They’re
Dukin’ and Moofin’

THERE isn't much entertainment value in watching two grown men shuffle furiously while standing behind podiums, but last night, Honolulu mayoral candidates Duke Bainum and Mufi Hannemann came out dukin' and moofin' for all they're worth. They simply failed to strike sparks.

In simple glib-ability, Hannemann scored big - Bainum's beady, raptor-like intensity comes off as awkwardly stiff next to Hannemann's used car-salesman smoothness.

Hannemann also knew enough to stare right into the camera, but every once in a while his eyes would ricochet back and forth like pinballs.

Hannemann also told a story about a homeless person who, interestingly, seemed to know him on a first-name basis.

Both were quick to cling to Mayor Harris' coattails, but only during the happy times. Both candidates also totally chickened out when asked who they endorsed for president.

Bainum's summation can be capsulized as, "What ails Honolulu may be successfully treated with a regularly applied program of fiscal hygiene and professionally doled dosages of properly measured medications," while Hannemann's can be summed up as "Localz RULE!"

At one point, Hannemann suggested one day he and Bainum can go out singing karaoke together. Please, Lord, do not allow that to be broadcast.