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‘Hawaii’ was wrong show
at wrong time

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A friend who knows something about television programming had this to say about the recently deceased island-based show "Hawaii": "You can't show severed heads and crucified prostitutes hanging upside down on walls at 7 p.m."

That we would be discussing the best time for such material to be aired on television says something about the state of programming today.

But he has a point. Graphic violence plays better at 9 p.m. after the kiddies have been put on the crack pipe, I mean, in bed.

What's really hard to figure is why NBC decided to put "Hawaii" in the same time slot as ABC's hit Hawaii-based show "Lost." It's crazy for two Hawaii shows to face off like that. The forensics crew from "CSI" no doubt would have classified the "Hawaii" death as suicide. That's too bad for all the local writers, actors and production people put out of work. (Wait. "Hawaii" didn't bother to hire any local writers. Hmmmm, maybe a second autopsy is in order.)

Now the news ...

A smashing omen of luck

SICHUAN PROVINCE (BBC) » A Chinese satellite smashed into a village house returning to Earth but no one was hurt.

A local newspaper printed a picture of the kettle-shaped capsule, lying in the rubble of the building.

"The satellite landed in our home," said the tenant of the wrecked apartment. "Maybe this means we'll have good luck this year."

(Yes, falling space debris crashing into houses and almost killing people generally is considered a harbinger of good things to come.)

Bed rest may be needed

CANBERRA, Australia (AP) » A woman who seduced and had sex with strangers while she slept had no recollection of the encounters because of a sleeping disorder.

Doctors said the woman had no idea she was sneaking from her house at night in search of sex with random strangers until her partner awoke and tracked her down to where she was having sex with another man.

"It is a very complex, elaborated motor behavior during sleep" said physician Peter Buchanan.

(It's a rare condition suffered mainly by women nabbed by their partners in the act of having sex with other men. It's called "Compulsive Stupid Husband Disorder.")

Fish flee as storm arrives

LIDO KEY, Fla (AP) » Scientists are trying to find out where fish go when hurricanes approach.

As Hurricane Charley approached Charlotte Harbor, some of the fish hunkered down and others hurried away.

Researchers, who tracked some tagged sharks out of the harbor, would like to know exactly where the fleeing fish go.

(Where do they go? Dude, they get outta Dodge. They head to ABH -- Anywhere But Here.)

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Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
A town in Canada is hoping to attract tourists by erecting a large bronze statue of a sasquatch (aka "Big Foot") carrying a case of beer. Why can't Hawaii tourism officials think of great ideas like that?

Quote Me on This:
"The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married and the married wish to be dead." -- Ann Landers

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