Brush off suitors digitally

Perhaps out of possible fear of rejection, embarrassment or appearing to be an outright loser, I've never resorted to cheesy pickup lines to charm a woman. I do have a couple of friends, however, who will occasionally single a girl out in a social situation, toss an outrageous line or two in her direction and hope for a small miracle.

One compatriot will usually deliver an over-the-top comment on his target's pretty eyes or comely gait and will more often than not receive just a polite "thank you" for his attention. Another friend employs a more resourceful approach to help shed his nerdy image. Once, while in a bar, he flipped on his laptop computer, motioned to a picture of Obi-Wan Kenobi with his laser pointer and told our long-legged waitress she'd be awarded a night on the town if she could name the actor who played the Jedi master in "Star Wars." She offered a half-hearted smile, shrugged and dashed off to another table without refilling our beer. When it became obvious she wasn't coming back, we pelted him with ice cubes and cigarette butts.

Ladies, should you ever be presented with an equally inept come-on and must fend off a request for your phone number, know that you have a way out with a phony e-mail address at papernapkin.net. Sure, you could ramble off a fake phone number to your would-be suitor, but chances are he is carrying a cell phone, which means your bluff could be called on the spot, leaving you back at square one. Besides, a made-up number doesn't come with a rejection notice for your obnoxious admirer. This is where papernapkin.net can help.

The Web site is a service that "helps passive-aggressive cowards avoid people who would like to date them." Just supply the poor sap with a fanciful e-mail address that ends in "@papernapkin.net." Be sure to give them one with a realistic-sounding prefix and write it on said napkin for maximum effect. In return, they'll receive a response from the site, which reads "Subject: Nice to hear from you" and goes on to say, "Ha ha, just kidding. Actually, this is a rejection letter. The person who gave you this e-mail address does not want to have anything to do with you."

Yes, it's a bit cruel, so be sure to give this address only to the most vile, ill-natured offenders. Several examples have already been posted since the site went public in August.

Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.