---

Bumatai takes ‘North
Shore’ surf king role

---

COMEDIAN/ACTOR (or is it actor/comedian?) Andy Bumatai is on a role, a couple of roles, to be precise. First, in what likely will be a recurring role, he played a detective in the premiere episode of the cop drama "Hawaii." Now he's been tapped to play a former Pipeline surfing "heavy"-turned-burger-joint-manager in the Hawaii-based drama "North Shore." Legendary waterman Brian Keaulana, who is the water-safety dude on the Fox drama, pitched Bumatai as the person to play the has-been Pipe king, pointing out that the actor should be able to surf. The show's honchos agreed. Andy and Brian grew up surfing Makaha together.

Meanwhile, the latest edition of "Andy Bumatai's Comedy Showcase" takes place at the Palace Showroom in the 'Ohana Reef Towers Hotel on Sept. 25, featuring Bumatai, Paul Ogata, a passel of local comics and, strangely, a few news media types like yours truly, Kirk Matthews and Mike Buck. I'm looking forward to taking the stage again; it's been months since I've embarrassed myself in front of inebriated strangers in Waikiki. For reservations call 923-SHOW (7469).

And now the news ...

Puppy shoots man (Yay!)

ESCAMBIA, Fla. (AP) >> A man who tried to shoot seven puppies was shot himself when one of the pups put its paw on the revolver's trigger.

Jerry Allen Bradford, 37, was treated for a gunshot wound to his wrist and charged with felony animal cruelty.

Bradford said he decided to shoot the pups because he couldn't find them a home. He was holding two of the shepherd-mix pups when one of them managed to fire the .38 revolver.

(See? There still are a few "feel good" news stories out there.)

Angry teacher cuts class

BOGRA, Bangladesh (AP) >> A teacher in northern Bangladesh cut the ears of 17 students, ages 6 through 9, with scissors to discipline them for stopping the reciting of Islamic verses when he left the room. Hearing screams, the students' relatives rushed into the class and beat the teacher with sticks. The teacher was fired and it wasn't immediately clear what further action he could face.

(Although a little "nip and tuck" retaliation by the kids might be in order.)

Candidate all shook up

SIDNEY, Australia (AP) >> Queensland state legislator Margaret May shook so many hands campaigning that she's damaged her tendons and will need wrist and thumb surgery, her campaign announced.

(She's also got severely chapped lips from baby-kissing, indigestion from eating too many Vegemite sandwiches and various contusions from boxing kangaroos. Ah, Aussie politics!)

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:

Getting off a spam e-mailing list is as simple as pi, minus the square root of your car's mileage, divided by the number of hairs you have yet to pull out of your head each time you get one of the blasted e-mails.

Quote me on this:

"Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor, for a subject that will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest that will not bear serious examination is false wit." -- Aristotle

"Flatulence is the historical foundation of all humor." -- Charles Memminger

---

---