Anagrams spell out
the inside truths

While most astute political analysts assess candidates and elected officials according to their education, past experiences, promises, work ethic and how they pronounce the word "nuclear," I, having never been accused of being astute, choose to rely on the "Anagram Method of Personal and Professional Analysis."

This scientifically proven analytical tool is based on the concept that 1) There is a God and 2) He/She has a sense of humor. It's also based on the idea that life is made up of secret codes hidden everywhere, including our names. And by rearranging all the letters in a name or title, secret truths are revealed. The only rule to anagrams is that every letter of a name or title has to be used in unscrambling the secret insight. For instance, unscrambling the letters for "George Washington" reveals: "War on: He gets going." Few would argue with that assessment of Washington's handling of the Revolutionary war.

SO WHAT ABOUT our local political figures? Under anagram analysis, "Governor Lingle" becomes "Lone girl govern," clearly recognizing her as the state's first female governor. Another anagram reveals a possible pen name should she ever want to write romance novels: "Ginger Lovelorn."

Lingle's predecessor's well-known intensity is spelled out when "Governor Cayetano" is unscrambled to become "Coronary to avenge."

What do anagrams tell about our those running for mayor?

"Duke Bainum" becomes "I a numb Duke" while "Mayor Duke" reveals "A murky doe." An anagram also reveals a comparison between Bainum and the former mayor of New York City when "Mayor Duke" becomes, "Me a Rudy, OK?" "Mayor Bainum," meanwhile, becomes the less flattering "Oh my! I'm a bum."

Mufi Hannemann's alleged harsher side is revealed when "Mayor Mufi" becomes "Mom, I'm a fury!" Further analysis begets the self-depreciative "I rummy oaf." But all communication from the great unknown about Mufi is not bad. "Mayor Hannemann" promises "Harmony 'n an amen." ("Mayor Mufi" also morphs into "I'm fur mayo," in which case, he'll lose my vote.)

As longtime mayor, Frank Fasi was known to be both engaging and ruthless, depending on the circumstances. So it is not surprising that under anagram analysis "Mayor Fasi" become "Rosie Mafia."

Outgoing Mayor Jeremy Harris has been the focus of campaign spending investigations that have landed some of his supporters in legal trouble. Appropriately, his anagram unscrambles from "Mayor Harris" to "A harm, I'm sorry." But hizzoner is clearly happy to be leaving the stress of office as revealed when "Mayor Jeremy" becomes "Joy! A merry me!"

So what does the "Anagram Method of Personal Analysis" reveal about your faithful corespondent? Only the obvious. "Charley Memminger" decloaks to the exceeding astute, fuzzy and harmless: "Me merely charming."