Cyberspace romance lacks
promise of a distant era

For better or worse, Internet chat rooms have become popular sites for busy people in search of romance. But a century ago, unions were forged through courting and arranged marriages. A simple exchange of photographs between my Korean grandparents led to their marriage.

My traditional Korean grandfather didn't consider himself ready for marriage until he'd saved enough money to open his own country store. That day arrived after he had worked for 10 years on a Kauai sugar plantation. He was already 31 years old when he sent away for a wife.

Grandpa wanted a Korean wife from a good family, so in 1914 he exchanged photographs with a young woman in Masan, Korea, and the match was made. A year later, his 19-year-old picture bride sailed into Honolulu Harbor. Upon seeing a man much older than the fellow in the picture she had received, Grandma told me she felt like returning to Korea on the next boat. Instead, the two strangers married on the dock, and went on to have 10 children.

In today's world, however, it seems Internet chat rooms are the place to look for potential mates. That wasn't my intention, though, when I first entered cyberspace in 1997. I was simply looking for somewhere to laugh and relax.

I initially logged on as Glenda, but no one paid attention to me. "Could it be my name?" I wondered. I decided to return to the chat room as "gigi-hawaii."

Immediately, men from Denmark to Australia noticed me. Perhaps, the new nickname conjured up an image of a cute 19-year-old in a bikini ... rather than the middle-aged matron I am. Invariably, the men wanted to know my age. At first, I was coy and said I was 99, but they didn't believe me. How could "gigi" be more than 20?

As time went on, I revealed my true age and that I was married. In this way, I made friends with more mature members of the chat room who were interested in the laulau I was cooking for dinner or why I wasn't out watching sunset at the beach.

But I eventually tired of the chat-room soap operas: Guy meets girl on the Internet, guy hops on a plane to be with girl, guy is disillusioned, guy leaves girl, girl's feelings are hurt. Or vice-versa.

I realized my grandparents shared something my chat-room friends seemed to lack -- commitment, a promise to be together for life, no matter what. For my grandparents it all started with just two photographs!

With their success in mind, I stopped visiting the chat room. I know if they were alive today, searching for a meaningful relationship, they would have done the same.