Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

It’s prison for peacock
killers ... in Myanmar

It was shocking to learn that the directors of the Waimea Valley Audubon Center -- formerly known as Waimea Falls Park -- directed archers to hunt down and kill peacocks with bow and arrow to cull the flock. It's lucky for the archers and park officials that they don't live in some backward Third World country where peacock-ocide is taken more seriously.

The Associated Press reports that two men in Myanmar -- formerly known as Burma (the country, not the men) -- were sentenced to three years in prison for killing and eating peacocks stolen from a wildlife reserve.

Under Myanmar Forestry Law, peacocks are a protected species and killing one draws a penalty of up to 7 years in prison.

Good news from the Waimea park is that while it was kind of heartless to kill the beautiful animals, at least teriyaki peacock didn't end up on the center's snack bar menu.

And now more dead animal news ...

At least cow didn't sofa

AIWA MEDIA, Romania » Health officials who were called to investigate a strange smell discovered a 74-year-old man was living with a dead cow in his living room, according to the newspaper National.

Homeowner Gyenge Lajos did not want to part with the cow, a gift from a friend. He said he had been cutting strips from the animal and cooking it whenever he was hungry.

"He was really angry when we took it away," said a police spokesman.

(Mainly because he had just bought new furniture to compliment his living room's tasteful focal point.)

This dog bust was a bust

LONDON (AP) » A police sniffer dog died of a suspected overdose after a drug search.

Lanshire police said Todd, a springer spaniel, fell ill with an amphetamine overdose after a routine investigation.

No drugs were found during the search.

(However, a search of Todd's doghouse revealed speed, ice, grass, heroin, cocaine and, strangely, cat nip.)

Peck of peppers pinched

MADRID (AP) » Spanish thieves unknowingly made off with three tons of green peppers that were toxic.

The farmer whose peppers were stolen told authorities that the peppers had been treated with a pesticide and would not be edible for at least a week.

(A police press release stated: If pusillanimous purloiners picked a peck of poisoned peppers, how many pecks of putrid peppers did the pepper pilferers pinch?")

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
Camel is selling a cigarette called "Kauai Kolada" that tastes like pineapple and coconut. Well, it tastes the way a coconut and pineapple would if they were doused with lighter fluid and ignited. The real danger here isn't that Kauai's name is being sullied by association with a product known to cause cancer but that Jamba Juice might soon come out with a tobacco-flavored smoothie.

Quote Me On This:
"Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance." -- H.L. Mencken

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.



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