How’d she get in here?

>>East-West Center

As HPD Officer Quinn Ah Sun went for his Smith & Wesson .44, a young monk in crimson and saffron robes leaped and kicked the imam in the head. He tumbled to the floor, clutching the blade, lurched and slashed at the monk, cutting his arm severely. Another monk went to work on the wound.

Still the second Lama Jey Tsong Khapa remained in his position of meditation.

A one-man jihad, the imam leaped to his feat, raised the knife.

That was when a very large, very brown, very beautiful, very naked woman stepped in, and Jefferson Hall was filled with the aroma of sea spray and eucalyptus.

How the hell did I miss her before, Quinn was thinking as he charged the stage, pistol drawn, safety off.

The lama smiled, pleased to see his old friend Ho'ola, goddess of life.

The goddess towered over the imam, and it was hard to tell whether it was her immenseness or her immense nakedness that threw him off more. Apparently it was the nakedness -- he'd never even seen his own wife fully unclothed -- because he began to call her all manner of derogatory female terms, wench and harlot least among them.

As the imam tried to dance around Her Immenseness, Quinn pointed his .44 at him. "Police! Drop your weapon! Now!"

"No need for that, Officer Ah Sun," Ho'ola said.

Then turning to a woman who sat in the first row, "Gimme a hand here, bebbe. This is more your kind of thing."

St. Meg the Divine stood, wearing gauzy white robes that clung to her seductively. The former Meg Chan was new to the religion business, but increasingly aware of her powers. It had come as a shock when she healed the surfer Chucky Boy Kulolo after he was pronounced dead. But now, just back from her first tour of the Mainland, where she removed warts, cured several cases of gout, one stammerer and a case of testicular cancer, plus an infertile couple, she stepped toward the imam with confidence.

"Give me the knife," she said.

His hands began to tremble. "Infidel!" He tried to step forward, but found his feet glued to the floor. Tried to stab her, found his arms locked.

His whole body began to tremble so hard, the plastic knife clattered to the floor.

"Nobody touch it," Quinn barked, "until CSI gets here!"

Then turning to St. Meg, "Uh, you think you could get his hands to quit shaking long enough for me to cuff him?"

She did.

As the lama remained in his position of meditation, Hawaii's religious leaders filed out, Rabbi Sol and Imam Sharif among them, thinking of other ways they could strike the lama, because time was running out.