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The Goddess Speaks Laurie Okawa Moore |
Years later, a couple
finds closure, forgivenessOne day a few months ago, I was channel-surfing for something that would make me forget sinus pain that refused to be medicated. I turned to the Learning Channel, which always provides real-life, heartwarming and voyeuristic programming ("A Wedding Story," "A Baby Story," "A Makeover Story," et al.). As the mind-numbing, unscripted dialogue began, I realized I was witnessing a new show, "Second Chances."
The premise is simple. Take one regret-ridden person and give him the opportunity to reunite with the object of his angst. Will sparks fly again? Will heartbreak rip open old wounds? Will the sponsors sell enough feminine hygiene products to sustain such a show?
Watching made me think of my one big relationship regret. I was young (barely 20), insecure and ignorant of human emotion. Michael was my first love, and we were together for about two years. Dirty details aside, when we broke up, I said some very nasty things, and my behavior was cruel and reprehensible. Soon after our breakup, Michael moved to the mainland, and we never spoke to or saw each other again.
In the years since then, I stumbled through one bad relationship after another. Every time my heart was stomped on, I remembered how much damage I inflicted on Michael. I was convinced I was being subjected to some sort of cosmic retribution.
I often thought about Michael over the years and wondered if he were happy. And I knew that if I had a chance to apologize, it would be a weight off my soul.
Last year, I changed my route home in an attempt to shorten my commute by a few minutes. This new route took me past the apartment Michael shared with his dad in the 1980s. It became a constant reminder of a time in my life when stupidity ruled my actions. I thought about Michael -- not with any desire to rekindle romance, but just wanting a chance to finally apologize for breaking his heart.
ABOUT A WEEK ago, I got the surprise of my life. Somewhere in California, Michael was Web surfing and reminiscing about his life in Hawaii and happened to find one of my "Goddess Speaks" articles. He e-mailed Star-Bulletin features editor Nadine Kam, who forwarded his message to me.
Thus began an incredible journey toward forgiveness, acceptance and closure. Michael and I have since e-mailed long messages, mostly apologizing for the hurt that happened between us. I was thrilled to learn that Michael is happily married, with beautiful kids. He was thrilled to learn that I am also happily married, with beautiful kids. It meant a lot to him to know that I did not think he was a loser, and my apology began a healing in him that was 23 years overdue. And it was a tremendous weight off of my soul to finally express my regret.
We both shared our long histories of failed relationships and agreed that our breakup colored each relationship we had over the years. We both agreed that our e-mail correspondence was both nostalgic and therapeutic, and not many people have this kind of opportunity to make right a decades-old wrong.
The Bible says in Ephesians 4:32, "Be kind to one another." If there is one lesson I have learned through this experience, it is that unkindness can have a huge impact on a person's soul and can affect an entire lifetime if left unfixed. My goal is to ensure that my kids never know the kind of pain I went through because of unkindness. It is my hope and prayer that I can instill in my kids this awesome lesson of kindness.
Laurie Okawa Moore is director of communications at the Hawaii Credit Union League.
The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and
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