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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
For Neil, a good word
is hard to findCongressman Neil Abercrombie has learned a lot under the wise tutelage of his mentor, Sen. Daniel Inouye, but unlike Inouye, Abercrombie still doesn't seem to understand that it's O.K. to occasionally express optimism.
Sticking with his "George Bush Can't Do Anything Right" philosophy, Abercrombie criticized this week's handover of sovereignty to the Iraqis, saying that conducting the transfer two days early and in private somehow was unseemly and showed weakness.
Everybody in the world understands that the handover was largely symbolic and was done two days early to thwart any terrorist plans to attack a major ceremony. Even officials from Syria, home to many of the terrorists sneaking into Iraq to disrupt the reconstruction, said they hoped the handover would help Iraqis. So did Dan Inouye, who expressed the desire that the change was the start of good things for Iraq.
But Abercrombie just couldn't cough up any optimism for Hawaii news cameras and condemned the early handover. Nevermind that it likely saved U.S. soldiers' lives. Sen. Inouye might want to coach his boy on the finer points of taking the political high road every once in a while. And now the news ...
Man jailed! Phlegm at 11
LONDON » A judge has ordered a blind man obsessed with groping women from using the word "phlegm," according to the Surrey Comet.Neil Middlehurst, 49, was arrested for asking women for help crossing the road and then touching their breasts while talking about sore throats and phlegm. He has previous convictions for similar assaults.
A Kingston Crown Court judge sentenced Middlehurst to 16 months in jail and banned him from saying "phlegm."
"These offenses involved nasty and sordid behavior," the justice said.
(The judge later told reporters, "I just sentenced the snot out of that little pervert.")
Zoo apes take to the air
CHICAGO (AP) » The apes at Chicago's Lincoln Park Zoo finally have a chance to take their revenge on people who for years have been pounding their palms against the glass walls of the primates' home.At the zoo's new Regenstein Center for African Apes, chimpanzees can touch a panel hidden from public view that will shoot harmless bursts of air at unsuspecting visitors.
"You often hear about chimps spitting or throwing," said behaviorist Steve Ross. "They do that to get a rise out of the public. This gives them the opportunity but in a safe way."
The interactive element of the display is part of a growing movement in U.S. zoos to make exhibits more exciting for people.
(The apes, while conceding that the air blower is pretty cool, said it was a lot more exciting to nail an annoying 12-year-old kid with a big fresh handful of warm feces.)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
America bashing is the rage. But on this July Fourth, Honolulu Lite will take a look at some of the good things America has done, like the invention of microwave pork rinds.Quote Me On This:
"For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off." Johnny Carson
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com