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Gathering Place
 Arnold Van Fossen |
Brad is one fine-looking,
sword-swinging warriorA friend of mine told me I simply had to go see the movie "Troy." Since I had heard that "Troy" was similar to "Braveheart," I asked her why I should spend my money on Troy.
She almost shrieked: "'Cause Brad Pitt is naked almost all the time!" She also said the movie had lots of good killing and sword fighting and things like that.
Since I have reached an age where naked bodies cavorting around onscreen is not the inducement it used to be, I said I would think on it. As luck would have it, the furniture-refinishing business downstairs began to spew out even more toxic fumes than normal, so I decided to head to the air-conditioned coolness of a movie theater and see what this film was all about. I also qualify for senior discounts. Bless them for that.
So a friend and I went to the movies. "Troy" is definitely a movie to see. You have to see it on the big screen, not at home on a 27-inch television screen.
Since I am close but not a contemporary of Plato, I cannot vouch for the accuracy of the costumes. But I can vouch for a couple of things Achilles, Paris and Hector barely wore throughout the movie. This movie was designed for voyeurs who would like to see more flesh but can pretend that they sought out a historical film.
"Troy" is more than candy for the eyes. It is the stuff wonderful sweet dreams are made of.
My keen visual sense also made me realize that the royal families of the ancient Greeks and Trojans had to wear more clothing than the poor folk. The kings had to wear more than the princes. Peter O'Toole was dressed in what appeared to be bluish motorcycle chiffon. The king of the Greeks, a much larger man, wore enough clothing to cover an emerging nation.
The princes and princesses got to wear a lot less. Let's give a cheer for the costumer. Brad, a god/mortal, got to wear the least, but every garment was wonderful. Now some of you may remember that in 1991 Brad was in a wonderful "chick flick" called "Thelma and Louise." He was immortalized kneeling on a bed wearing a cowboy hat and little else. It made him an instant star. Thirteen years later, "Troy" presents him with a couple of mature pounds on his frame, but this time you get to see almost the entire frame. Besides being a good actor, he is fantastic to look at. Brad had to buff himself up for six months to get into that shape. For most of us, six years wouldn't accomplish this look.
Since I knew how the movie would end and I wanted to see how they could compress 10 years into a few days' romp on the beach, I watched intently. I noticed that many of the warriors from "Braveheart" also were in "Troy." They seemed quite at ease as they whacked off one another's ears at the neckline. The director seemed to have a fondness for actors swinging heavy rocks on the end of long sticks that would kosh an armor helmet into a coaster with the head still in it.
Paris, although much prettier than Helen, was true to the book. He was a coward. Even at the end when they had him murdering poor Achilles, he did it from afar, shooting murderous arrow after arrow into that magnificent body after he already had shot him in the heel. A heel shooting a heel.
The movie was grand. Brad Pitt is worth every penny of the reported $15 million he received for the film. I was happy to contribute my meager funds to his upkeep. Simply maintaining that body must take a lot of work and it is worth every penny. I hope his wife realizes how lucky she is.
Trust me on this. Repeat after me: "I am going to see a historical film. It is vital to the historical content of this film that Brad and all the young beauties be almost naked all the time. It was hot in Troy and sleeping in a yurt, which is not air-conditioned, can be debilitating, especially with two naked women by your side.
So go see "Troy." Lucky you live Hawaii.
Arnold Van Fossen is an artist who lives in Waikiki.