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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Coast Guard takes a stab
at boat inspectionHERE'S a Coast Guard story that didn't make the nightly news and the Coast Guard is probably glad it didn't.
A fisherman this week was returning to Kaneohe Bay with a 17-foot marlin tied to the stern of his boat when a Coast Guard vessel stopped him. The officers said they were going to board the boat to make sure it had all of its safety gear. The fisherman asked that they at least wait until they were through the tricky "crash boat" channel but the Guardsmen said, no, they would board right away. The fisherman then asked that they board from the port side of the boat and was told they'll board on whatever side they want to. A couple of Guardsmen then approached the fishing boat in an inflatable Zodiac-type craft and banged into the starboard side of the fishing boat, causing the 555-pound marlin's prodigious nose spike to pierce the inflatable's hull. Whoops. The inflatable limped back to the mother ship. The fisherman's boat was later found to have all necessary safety gear, including, apparently, a unique anti-boarding device.
Now the news ...
The werd, er, word of God
PEACHTREE CITY, Ga. (AP) » Thank the Lord -- and the proofreaders at Peachtree Editorial and Proofreading. The proofreaders found several typos in a new edition of the Bible that was going to press.Mistakes they caught included "sour ancestors" instead of "our ancestors," and a call to end "fractions" instead of "factions."
"Bible readers are less forgiving of errors because they expect perfection in the Bible," said June Gunden, who with her husband founded the business that specializes in proof-reading Bibles.
(To readers' dismay, they also caught "Thou shalt probably not commit adultery.")
Pizza pie? No, pizza spy
PORTSMOUTH, N.H. (AP) » Beware the Pizza Narc. Police in this town hope to enlist pizza delivery people and hotel clerks to cut down on underage drinking and drug taking and parents who allow it.Portsmouth police will pay $50 to delivery people and hotel clerks who report to police any suspicious activity they come across in their duties.
(Pizza Hut Special of the Day: Two Mediums for $9.95 and a $100 tip so the pizza dude will keep his mouth shut.)
Bullwinkle's lookin' good
STOCKHOLM, Sweden (AP) » Residents in the northern Sweden town of Vuoggatjalme are keeping their eyes open for a moose with a bicycle. He's not riding the bike, he's wearing it. The moose stuck its head through the bike while eating roses in Bjoern Helamb's yard and ran away with the bike necklace.(Last year, wearing lawnmowers was all the rage.)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
It's only fair. Those of us who don't have state-recognized "exception trees" in our yards should be allowed tax breaks for our "exceptional shrubs."Quote Me On This (Dept. of Sex In The City):
"You can lead a horticulture but you can't make her think." -- Dorothy Parker"I'm always looking for meaningful one-night stands." -- Dudley Moore
"There is nothing wrong with making love with the light on. Just make sure the car door is closed." -- George Burns
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com