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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
A good word goes
a long way, badlyI've had a few e-mails complaining that my prediction last week that Jasmine Trias would win "American Idol" doomed the poor girl to her third-place finish Wednesday night. I resent that implication. I don't disagree with it, I just resent it.
Many a time, an overwrought or excessively optimistic prediction by myself has been the kiss of doom to whoever it was I was trying to support. Whatever the opposite of a "golden touch" is, I've got it.
On the other hand, when I vowed to sell newspapers at high noon in a chicken suit if the San Diego Chargers -- rank underdogs -- did not win the Super Bowl a few years back, who was the only columnist in town to appear on the television news that night? There is no such thing as bad publicity. Just bad chicken suits.
Anyway, sorry Jasmine. Now the news ...
Stork was a no show
LUBECK, Germany (AP) » A childless German couple finally found out why they weren't able to conceive off-spring -- they never had sex.After eight years of marriage, the 36-year-old man and wife, 30, went to a medical clinic to find out what was wrong. Doctors were baffled after tests showed both husband and wife were healthy and fertile.
Then came the important question.
"When we asked them how often they had sex," said a clinic spokesman, "they looked blank, and said, 'What do you mean?'"
It turned out the pair had been brought up extremely religiously and had never heard of the birds and the bees.
"We're not talking retarded people here," the spokesman said. "They were simply unaware of the physical requirements necessary to procreate."
(They now have 13 children and do not consider their German Shepherd's constant "leg dancing" so cute any more.")
From low carb to no bug
BLOOMINGTON, Ind. (AP) » A man who cooked and ate nearly 30 cicadas sought medical treatment after suffering a strong allergic reaction to the sautéed insects.After living underground for 17 years and feeding on tree roots, cicadas are emerging by the billions across the U.S. One man who heard the grasshopper-like creatures were edible, cooked up a bunch with butter and crushed garlic.
Dr. Al Aipani said the man showed up at the clinic covered from head to toe in hives, embarrassed to admit eating the bugs. He was released after being treated for the allergic reaction.
(Who would have thought that eating giant, disgusting, flying insects would be bad for you?)
Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
Like citizens rousted out or bars and cafes by press gangs and forced to labor on sailing ships of old, citizens today are rounded up and pressed into service by one branch of our government. It's called "Jury Duty." And I'll give you a firsthand account of the thrills, perils and satisfaction that come with our country's only mandatory service.Quote Me On This (Executive Branch):
"I want a one-armed economist so that the guy could never make a statement and then say 'on the other hand ...' " -- Harry Truman"No comment. But don't quote me." -- Dan Quayle
"The voters have spoken, the bastards." -- Richard Nixon
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com