CINDY ELLEN RUSSELL / CRUSSELL@STARBULLETIN.COM
Charlzetta and Arthur Croker were named SPIN Parents of the Year for 2003. The Crokers are pictured with their two sets of twins, Kale Boy, 7, Kahokunani, 7, Kapua, 6, and Kawai, 6.
Couple’s kids a blessing
despite difficultyThree of the Crokers' children
are autistic, while another has
an attention disorder
Charlzetta and Arthur Croker, of Waianae, feel blessed to have two sets of twins despite tremendous difficulties caring for them.
Three children have autism, and one has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.
Arthur, 40, said the family hasn't had a vacation in eight years.
"As soon as they were diagnosed, we have been here for them. ... We wouldn't have it any other way, but it is very challenging," he said. "We have learned patience, lots of patience, and humility."
He said the children are very loving and will hug and kiss him and their mother. "Most autistic kids don't want to be touched. That is the difference with our children."
Charlzetta "Chaz," 38, said there are two sets of twins in her family of 11 brothers and sisters, but "I never thought I'd be fortunate to have twins."
Kale, the only boy, and Kahokunani "Hoku" were born July 20, 1996. Kapua and Kawai arrived Sept. 4, 1997.
Kale goes to an autism school operated by Child and Family Service in Ewa, and the girls attend Maili Elementary School. Chaz said the school has worked closely with the family to create programs for the girls, and they're making progress.
Arthur was so proud when his son was born that he "took him everywhere. ... I was going to be the best dad," he said. "He was going to be involved in sports."
Until he was about 2 1/2 years old, Kale could talk, knew his alphabet and could count to 10, then began to regress, Arthur said. By August 1999, at age 3, he was diagnosed with autism.
He and his wife sat in the car in the parking lot crying for a long time after the diagnosis, Arthur said, noting his only knowledge of the disorder was from the movie "Rain Man."
"It was really devastating for me as a parent," he said. "I'm finally learning to accept it and deal with the emotions and move forward."
Hoku was diagnosed with ADHD in December 1999. The two younger girls were diagnosed with autism a month later.
"We saw all the same kind of things going on with the girls (as with Kale)," Chaz said. "They were not talking. They were spinning. A lot of characteristics of autism were very evident."
Arthur said his parents told him: "Your kids chose you to be their parents. God wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle. You're lucky to have these angels."
Arthur said his wife "is the backbone of the family" because he often works long hours and travels to the neighbor islands as local committee chairman for the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers.
He does as much as he can to help when he's home, and relatives pitch in, "but there never seems to be enough help," he said.
The children have individual personalities and vary in severity of their condition, he said. "Three used to be nonverbal. Now two are verbal and two others are emerging, making a lot of noises."
He said every doctor has a different way of dealing with the children, but he and his wife use what works best for each child. "We are very optimistic. We are not using any medication. We're trying to give them love and do it our way."
The Crokers said they had to battle the system to get any help before the Felix consent decree required the state to provide services to help special-needs children with education.
"It is hard enough dealing with the challenging life your child has," Chaz said. "It's so much harder to have to fight for everything. You just feel you have the door slammed in your face all the time."
In 2001 the couple learned of the state's Special Parent Information Network, and its conferences and workshops led them to a variety of resources.
Most helpful are other parents who have gone through or are going through the same thing, Chaz said. "And when you hear what other parents are going through, you say, 'Oh, what do I have to complain about?'"
Arthur said: "Networking has been tremendous, all these classes and learning our rights. Otherwise, parents would be left out in the cold, twiddling their thumbs."
Using resources found through the network, Chaz said, "Our family life has become so much better."
She has an aide to help get the children ready for school. Doing it alone before, she was always ragged, tired and grouchy, she said.
A personal assistant also helps her take the children to activities after school. She couldn't take them to the park or the beach alone because "they would be going in four different directions," she said.
When the children were younger, she would take them in a double stroller to Wal-Mart and shop with three in a wagon and the other walking beside her, she said.
"People gave me dirty looks because one would be screaming when I had to stand in line," she said. "I can laugh about it now. I used to cry a lot back then. They'd all be crying in tandem, screaming. I used to cry with them, too. We've come a long way since then.
"Our children are our life," she said. "They bring so much happiness to us. They're funny kids. They make us laugh a lot."
The situation initially strained the couple's relationship, but Chaz said they try now to take time out to do something like dinner and a movie. "We have to do that to be better parents."
The Crokers were selected last year as SPIN Parents of the Year and are advocates for other families with special-needs children.
"They don't know how we do it," Arthur said. "It's very humbling. You feel like all the sacrifices and stresses that you go through, whatever emotional issues you have, are worthwhile when you see some other families."
Parents with autistic children are "in it for life," he said. "We just hope we're able to live a long life so we can always take care of our children. That's the scary part."
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SPIN puts resources
in families' reachThe Special Parent Information Network has answers for families with special-needs children who do not know where to turn.
"Our main reason for being is just to get information out to families and have a say in systems change," said Susan Rocco, the network's coordinator.
The network is in the state Health Department's Disability and Communication Access Board and is funded by the state Department of Education.
About 400 parents and professionals are expected to attend the organization's annual conference 8:30 a.m. to 3:30 p.m. Saturday at the University of Hawaii Campus Center.
Rocco said a lot of people get their ideas about disabilities from the media, so the theme of Saturday's conference is "Take a SPIN through Hollywood."
Workshops are designed around movies about special needs, such as "Rebel with a Cause," on how to manage a child's behavior, and "Dances with Words," about reading.
Rocco said some movies have a damaging message, such as "Rain Man," starring Dustin Hoffman as the autistic brother of Tom Cruise.
She said the film was "hogwash" because it portrayed Hoffman as having to live in an institution. "Nobody needs to live in an institution. Everybody can find a level of support in the community."
The network began the conferences because families "were really looking under every rock" for resources, she said.
For more information, call 586-8126.
Helen Altonn, Star-Bulletin
