Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

It’s a wrap for
Honolulu Lite
on the air

Monday mornings just won't be the same for hordes of Honolulans who rise early to catch yours truly doing a television version of Honolulu Lite.

KITV (Channel 4) has decided to revamp its morning show, culling away all the frippery that made it the lively, "must sleep TV" it was. Gone will be anchors Paul Udell and Jill Kuramoto and that icon of salacious frippery -- me. Dern. Just when I was getting mediocre at reading a TelePrompTer.

I expect crowds of people to take to the streets in either protest or celebration.

Now the news ...

Talk about clean getaway

SHEFFIELD, England (AP) » Colin Sadd might be the man you'd prefer to steal your car, but he's going to jail. Again.

Sadd, 41, was sentenced to six years in prison for stealing five cars. His modus operandi is to dress up in a suit and take new cars for a test drive. They would be found abandoned after being spotlessly cleaned.

"He only takes brand new vehicles, drives them around for a couple of hours, then he cleans them inside and out," his wife said. "He will even buy a tin of polish to give them an extra sparkle."

(Sixty-five automobile dealerships asked the judge that he be put under their custody on a work-release program.)

Great. MORE $ for Trump

COACHELLA, Calif. (AP) » Without any specific strategy, dealmaker Donald Trump battled a live chicken and won $250.

The real estate mogul showed up at his Trump 29 Casino and played Apprentice Chicken Challenge, a tic-tac-toe game featuring a live chicken. The Donald, enjoying renewed fame on his TV show "The Apprentice," beat The Chicken and collected his money.

(If the chicken won, Trump would have yelled "You're fried!")

Troops caught in a vice

VILNUS, Lithuania (AP) » The NATO troops dispatched to this Baltic state are being discriminated against by prostitutes who charge them more than three times what they do Lithuanian clients, the country's police commissioner says.

Police commissioner Gen. Vytautas Grigaravicius said the sporting women charge soldiers $160 an hour while only charging locals $45.

(He added, "They're also paying more for pot, cocaine and heroin, which, incidentally, also are illegal. A police commissioner's work is never done.")

Honolulu Lite on Sunday:
"Honolulu Lite" -- The Book -- has hit the big time: A single copy is being sold on the Internet garage sale site eBay by someone who apparently has tired of its charms. But we can beat that price. An autographed copy of the now-limited edition classic of literature will be GIVEN to one lucky reader of Sunday's Honolulu Lite.

Quote me on this (Department of Sour Notes):
"The Sydney Opera House looks as if it were something that had crawled out of the sea and was up to no good." -- Beverley Nichols

"Brass bands are all very well in their place -- outdoors and several miles away." -- Thomas Beecham

"His Majesty does not know what the Grenadier Guards Band has just played, but it is never to be played again." -- King George V

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.


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