|
Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Virgins group organizes
to fight terrorONE of the least reported developments in the war against terror is the formation in Geneva of a group calling itself International Virgins for Peace.
While it is hard to argue with the sincerity of the group's founders and volunteers, the organization's professed plan of action takes appeasement to a frightful new low. Even former British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, whose attempted appeasement of Adolf Hitler embarrassed himself and country, would not have considered employing the curious motis operandi being proposed by International Virgins for Peace.
If you aren't sitting down, I suggest you find a chair because I'm about to tell what the IVP's proposition is. Sitting? Good. Here it is: The IVP feels that if radical Muslim terrorists are willing to blow themselves (and any innocent people around them) up simply because they believe they will go to paradise and be presented with 72 virgins, why not see if their needs can be met in this life.
"We will not be able to provide every prospective terrorist with 72 virgins, but our organization hopes to be able to make available a number suitable to dissuade a suicide bomber from carrying out his attack," said Valorie Mayfair, spokesperson for the Sweden-based virgin organization.
Mayfair was asked by news reporters why women would be willing to go to such extremes in the name of peace.
"People are being killed every day in the name of peace," Mayfair said. "If what we are volunteering to do will save even one life, it will be worth it."
SHE SAID SHE is working with the United Nations to form a coalition of countries willing to provide virgins to take part in the peace effort. But she says recruiting has not been easy.
"The selfishness and short-sidedness of some countries, especially those who have refused to provide any military assistance in Iraq, is quite disturbing," Mayfair said. "I can understand why countries such as France might hesitate at taking part in this coalition, the country simply has no virgins to offer. And Russia, too. But surely countries such as China and India, with billions of women, could contribute a few volunteers."
U.S. State Department officials, speaking off the record, said they thought the efforts by International Virgins for Peace were dangerous and misguided.
"What these suicide bombers really want is to become martyrs and go to paradise," said one high-ranking official. "I doubt that any actually believe they will receive 72 virgins. And frankly, I'm not sure any man would want to marry 72 virgins. Sounds like a fight waiting to happen to me. And what about the women suicide bombers, what do they get? They don't want virgin men, they probably want a clean house."
(The preceding dubious report is brought to you in celebration of April Fools Day.)
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com