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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Hawaii quarter should
feature local creaturesThis newspaper recently challenged readers to come up with designs for the "Hawaii" quarter the U.S. Mint will be issuing in 2008. And, can you believe it, not one person suggested that the coin feature a mongoose, gecko or cockroach.
Most of the suggestions ran to the old cliché island stuff like Diamond Head, surfing, King Kamehameha and a pineapple. Those buying into this vein of thought probably would think the perfect design for a Hawaii quarter would be King Kamehameha surfing with a pineapple under his arm and Diamond Head in the background. Please. Let's not promote the Hollywood version of the islands on our quarter. Let's tell the real story.
First of all, it shouldn't be a quarter at all. It should be a 50-cent piece because everything costs twice as much in Hawaii than it does on the mainland.
Secondly, it should have attitude. A mongoose bearing his teeth with an angry glint in his eye would set Hawaii's coin apart from the other states. Name another state where residents would consider a foot-long rodent "cute."
Likewise, what other state would allow reptiles the size of your hand to wander at will through the house? But geckos not only are allowed in the house, they are encouraged to enter to eat the bugs that already have set up camp in there. A good quarter design would be a gecko, his stomach engorged with termites, winking at the world.
SOME WOULD SAY that a cockroach doesn't belong on a quarter. Well, a cockroach doesn't belong in the silverware drawer, either, but he manages to get in there often enough. A cockroach quarter would be cool, especially if the bug is in surf trunks on a wave with Diamond Head in the background. (Pineapple, optional.)
A killer quarter design would feature all three creatures -- mongoose, gecko and cockroach. I imagine something like the mongoose and gecko fighting with canoe paddles and the cockroach acting as the referee.
Because Hawaii is surrounded by water, we might want to consider an ocean-related design for the quarter. How about a swimmer running across the surface of the water with a tiger shark in hot pursuit and Diamond Head in the background? (Pineapple, optional.) Or a shark wearing a gaudy aloha shirt and sunglasses hanging out on a Waikiki street corner surreptitiously checking out the biped buffet? Or a shark flashing a shaka sign with the motto (in Hawaiian) "A Haole a Day Keeps the Doctor Away"? Anyway, something along the shark line should be included on the Hawaii quarter.
I got it. A mongoose, gecko, cockroach and shark sitting at a table playing cards, like that famous card-playing dog painting. But each of our critters will be eyeballing their neighbor like they're all planning to eat one another. Now that's the real Hawaii: Everything is a meal for something else.
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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com