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My Kind of Town Don Chapman |
Shock and awe
>> Waikiki
Is there anything better in any kind of competition than seeing a look of total shock and bafflementation on the face your opponent?
"You, over there with your Te-Wu comrade!" the imitation lama hissed, and the look of shock was obvious on the two members of the Chinese secret police posing as room service waiters as they backed into the suite's foyer, hands raised high. This guy wasn't acting like any Buddha. And his partner in the orange robes, what was he doing with a Glock? And how did he know they were Te-Wu?
At that moment Rimpoche Rimshot, mentor to the young Lama Jey Tsong Khapa, seeking a drink of water exited the room where he was sleeping and practically ran into Doo Wop, who slammed an elbow into the old man's ribs, grabbed him from behind with one hand, slipped a fighting knife with a 9-inch blade out of a wrist sheath and held it to the old man's throat.
But what really shocked the old man was that the young lama was pointing a large pistol at his attacker. And the realization that this wasn't the real lama.
"Who are you?" he said.
"Yes, good question," said Doo Wop. "And where is the real lama?"
"I am one of a gentle mind," the not-a-lama said, lowering the pistol. With the barrel pointing up, he tapped it to his nose, then rocked it left and right, metronome-like, as he spoke. "I am one who prefers not to use these instruments of war, unless pushed. I am one who prefers another way of combat, beyond the physical realm. I am one who wishes to disarm gracefully, easily. I am one who wishes you would hand your knife to father Rimshot."
Doo Wop, his eyes glassy, let the holy man go, handed over the blade. His partner Zu Lu seemed to think that was OK. Rimpoche Rimshot could hardly wait to get the knife out of his hands, quickly gave it to the member of the Free Tibet Warrior Society wearing orange mendicant robes.
"I am one who wishes you would please be seated."
They obeyed.
"I am one who wishes you would return to your Te-Wu comrades. I am one who wishes you to tell your leader that you have done as you were told, and that his holiness was pleased with your gifts but chose not to sample them before your eyes. I am one who wishes you go now and awake from this dream in the elevator. I am one who wishes you have no recollection of our conversation or anything that happened here tonight."
The one in orange robes opened the door, showed them out.
"Well done, my new friend," Rimpoche Rimshot said. "But you still have not answered my question."
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Don Chapman is editor of MidWeek. His serialized novel runs daily in the Star-Bulletin. He can be e-mailed at dchapman@midweek.com