|
Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Evidence emerges
that not all lefties
are sinister or gaucheQuick. What do the following people have in common other than being either devilishly handsome or devilishly clever: Dr. Albert Schweitzer, Bill Clinton, James A. Garfield, Alexander the Great, Mark Twain, Paul McCartney, Tom Cruise, Robert Redford, Babe Ruth, Jimi Hendrix and me?
"Devilishly famous" obviously isn't the right answer because of that "me" guy at the end.
What I have in common with all those gentlemen is that we are (or, in the case of the departed, were) left-handed.
Judging from those names, you might be inclined to conclude that being left-handed is more of an asset than a hindrance considering the lofty heights of acclaim most on that list reached. In the interest of full disclosure, I should list some less sterling examples of humankind who were also southpaws: Fidel Castro (dictator), John Dillinger (gangster), Albert DeSalvo (Boston Strangler), Jack the Ripper (London personality), John Wesley Hardin (Western outlaw), Keanu Reeves (overrated actor) and Dave Barry (some kind of a serial cat-juggler or humor writer or something).
And just so you don't get the idea that only men were/are left-handed, there were/are plenty of female lefties like Joan of Arc, Queen Victoria, Helen Keller, Melissa Manchester, Goldie Hawn, Lisa Kudrow and, I believe, Elton John.
The subject of left-handedness comes up not because it's an easy way to fill a column, which it is, but because scientists have just announced that there have been left-handers in society going back to the Ice Age. They figured this out by studying hand-prints left in caves 30,000 years ago, which showed that 12 percent of people were left-handed, the same percentage today.
This astounding discovery means that left-handers aren't the weirdos that most people think they are. Or at least weirdos with a long history.
THE RESEARCHERS SAY that left-handedness is a genetic variant that might have given early lefties certain advantages, like in combat. (Sports commentators still talk about the time Lefty Stonemuncher knocked out Rocky "The Rock" Rocky at the Ice Garden in 28,472 B.C.)
Lefties have always felt "left" out because since most people are "right-handed," we assumed we were "wrong-handed." School desks were constructed for righties, so we lefties had to become contortionists to write our names. In sports, coaches made us do everything right-handed, so left-handed boys threw like girls and left-handed girls threw like, well, girls. And let's not even talk about table etiquette. I've still got scars in my forehead from learning how to wield a fork right-handed.
But considering how well lefties have done in history and now with proof that we come by our abnormality naturally, we know we are in good hands. Left hands.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
