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Sidelines Kalani Simpson |
How to avoid a
Super Bowl overdose"Tomorrow is Super Sunday. I need a Super Rest."
-- "Where the Buffalo Roam"
YOU would think watching the Super Bowl is a simple thing. You would be wrong. For one thing, you need to be prepared mentally. You need to be in the right mindset. You need to be one with the game. For example, I am writing this while wearing a football helmet.
(Seriously. It's tough to see the keyboard in this thing. On the other hand, there is a much smaller risk of concussion.)
Watching the Super Bowl is not something to be taken lightly. This is a sacred thing. This is the last football game of the year.
(The Pro Bowl is not a football game. The Pro Bowl is an "exhibition" in which the participants sign autographs, indulge in free vacations and try not to hurt themselves.)
By the end of the week football season will be over (at least until the minicamps start up again, probably sometime in late March). And then, depression sets in. So you see what a significant occasion this really is.
"Losing the Super Bowl is worse than death. You have to get up the next morning."
-- George Allen
THE MOST IMPORTANT thing may be to pace yourself. Most of us are not physically or mentally equipped to watch 14 consecutive hours of television, as the annual coverage of the Super Bowl demands.
Fortunately, I have Tuesdays off.
If you have not similarly prepared yourself I urge you to get up off the couch and take a walk every few hours, just to keep the circulation going. Do not overindulge in pupus and pull a stomach muscle. Remember: warm up properly. If something hurts, scale back. If you start to feel fatigued, slow down. Don't be a weekend warrior.
It is OK to yell at the television during the heat of the football game itself. It may be frowned upon if you scream "Holding! Holding!" at "Sting's Annual Pregame Super Kickoff Concert" and then fall asleep on the kitchen floor.
"I love football. I really love football. As far as I'm concerned it's the second-best thing in the world."
-- Joe Namath
NEW BUZZWORDS DOMINATE the airwaves every year. Last year it was "Cover Two." In other Super Bowls it was "West Coast Offense." (This year, with Bill Belichick's Kaczynski-like sideline ensemble, it may be "Manifesto.") You may get swept up in all the pregame commentating and feel the urge to "talk the talk" at your Super Bowl gathering.
It is important to keep in mind that Steve Young and Michael Irvin were forced to retire after taking too many blows to the head.
At some point everyone may become overwhelmed by the sheer volume of Super Bowl coverage and -- just for a break -- there may be a sentiment in the room to switch over to the "Trading Spaces Halftime Show" or just a peek at the "Lifetime" movie marathon.
Um, I guess that's OK. But don't let that remote out of your sight.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Kalani Simpson can be reached at ksimpson@starbulletin.com