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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Gasp! Blond bimbo
and croc wrestler
do dumb things!Judging from the amount of chatter on television and radio talk shows, a lot of people were surprised and outraged that famed Australian "crocodile hunter" Steve Irwin fed a giant crocodile with one hand while holding his month-old son in the other.
Try to wrap your brain around this. These people were surprised that a man who makes his living grabbing 10-foot-long killer reptiles by the tail and holding deadly poisonous snakes and spiders in his hands lacks the common sense not to put his baby son at risk.
I wasn't surprised. Now, if U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell fed a crocodile while holding an infant in his arms, I'd be surprised. Because you tend to expect a member of the president's Cabinet to act responsibly. Secretary of Health and Human Services Tommy Thompson, Secretary of Labor Elaine Chao, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, Gale Norton of the Interior Department ... none of these people would even think about wrestling or feeding a crocodile, especially while holding a baby. If they did, it would be something to get excited about.
But I refuse to get excited when a guy like Steve Irwin, who doesn't understand it is rude and dangerous to tackle crocodiles, does something additionally irresponsible.
IN CASE YOU didn't see it, Irwin, whose annoying nasal Aussie twang and propensity to almost get eaten by large carnivores on a regular basis has made him a hero to a really surprising number of dolts, recently was filmed hand-feeding a crocodile while holding his son in one arm. The boy, whose name, I believe, is Pupu, didn't even flinch when the croc lunged at the food dear old dad held out. Irwin claimed the boy was never in any danger, and the film seems to prove the kid was OK. Of course, we don't know how many little boys Irwin started off the day with. Maybe the croc was just full.
Nevertheless, people were shocked. Just like they were when they found out that pop star and former Mousketeer Britney Spears had married in Las Vegas recently. I admit I was surprised at first because the name of the guy she married was Jason Alexander. I thought, Britney isn't the brightest blond in the bleach bucket, but even SHE had better taste than to marry that bald little fat guy from "Seinfeld."
It turned out that the Jason Alexander she married was a guy she'd known since childhood. When she sobered up the next day, or somehow otherwise reached a functioning state of cognizance, she filed for an annulment, and the kid apparently went back to the gas station.
And people went CRAZY. My god! Britney Spears married some goofball on a whim! It's shocking! I mean, wasn't she working on a cure for cancer or something? How will we ever be able to look up to Britney again?
Please. The girl did not get famous mapping the human genome. She got famous for getting almost naked and singing. If she wants to marry some yahoo and then dump him or French-kiss Madonna, who cares?
Folks, we've got to set our "surprise" bar a little higher. When Britney Spears captures Osama Bin Laden and Steve Irwin wins the Nobel Prize in physics, THEN let us be surprised. Until then they can kiss, marry, wrestle and feed whatever creatures they want -- even each other.
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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com