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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Angry spinach is more
scary than mad cowIn view of the recent mad cow disease scare in the United States, I thought I'd better bring you up to date on a couple of other lesser-known health dangers:
Angry spinach disorder: The involuntary flexing of biceps and sudden utterances such as, "I yam what I yam" after eating spinach, particularly canned spinach, tainted with vitamins.
Desultory rice syndrome: A vague feeling of fullness after consuming both scoops of rice on a plate lunch.
Crazy french fry malaise: The aversion to any type of physical exercise and propensity to nap excessively during the 24 hours after ingesting a supersized order of fries.
Now the news:
Human piñata was a hit
MEXICO CITY (AP) >> A 24-year-old man died after he allowed himself to be used as human piñata.To indulge his two younger siblings, Sebastian Cahum Pech allowed them to tie his hands and feet, balance him on a beam and swing at him with sticks. He was strangled to death after jumping to avoid the blows, getting his neck entangled in the ropes.
(He came up with the piñata idea after suffering numerous stab wounds during a round of "Pin the Tail on the Stupid Big Brother.")
Aussies a bit shy, mate
CALGARY, Alberta, Canada (AP) >> Men at the University of Calgary are being offered a free two-week vacation in Australia in exchange for their sperm.Apparently it is getting difficult to find volunteers in Australia because of a new law that doesn't allow sperm donors to remain anonymous. The Reproductive Medicine Clinic in Albury, New South Wales, placed an ad in the university's student newspaper seeking donors between the ages of 18 and 40.
(To their surprise, they received only 43,549 responses in the first 15 minutes.)
The power of the word
NEW YORK (AP) >> A man who says he sells books and magazines on the street was rescued after being trapped for two days under a mountain of reading material in his apartment.Patrice Moore, 43, was trapped after being buried by a deluge of books, catalogs and newspapers.
(He suffered from several painful paper cuts, dangling participles and a dose of Irritable Vowel Syndrome.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Stop the presses! An idiot who wrestles crocodiles and a blond bimbo singer both do something stupid. Why do we care?
Quote me on this:
"It doesn't matter what you do in the bedroom as long as you don't do it in the street and frighten the horses." -- Mrs. Patrick Campbell
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com