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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
When caught in
a (speed) trap, whineIt was only fair that after yelling and screaming that Hawaii residents are the worst drivers in the universe, I end up before a judge on a speeding rap.
Hardly speeding. I was going 40 mph in what should have been a 35 mph zone on a major four-lane roadway. Instead, the speed limit was a ridiculous 30 mph, and the officer said she got me doing 45. The facts, as I laid them out to his honor, is that NOBODY goes 30 on that road. I was moving at the same speed as everyone else, and shouldn't police be busting dangerous street racers instead of using speed traps to nab average, relatively law-abiding citizens?
The judge didn't buy it but did cut the fine by a third to get me to quit whining. Justice served.
Now the news:
Weeding the gene pool
JOHNSON CITY, Tenn. (AP) >> A bullet fired in the air during a Ku Klux Klan initiation ceremony came down and struck a participant in the head, critically injuring him.(Dang it, Bubba, you done shot Joe Bob!)
Weeding the gene pool II
FORT WORTH, Texas (AP) >> A man changing a flat tire choked to death on a bag of marijuana he stuffed down his throat in an apparent attempt to hide the drugs from police who had stopped to help him."Officers went from, 'Oh, hey, here is someone with a flat tire' to 'Hey, this guy is choking,'" said a police spokesman.
(One more time: This is your esophagus. This is your esophagus stuffed with drugs. Got it?)
Grandpa gets big house
MELBOURNE (AP) >> A judge sentenced an 82-year-old lifetime felon to 30 months in prison for fraud after expressing grudging admiration for the man."One cannot help but admire your resilience," the judge said. "But I have to say you are one of the most dishonest and disreputable individuals I have been called upon to sentence."
(And because this is Australia, that's saying a mouthful.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
In a world where reckless news weasels will ruin a person's career just to publish a salacious headline, actor Richard Chamberlain found a safe haven in Hawaii. In a new book, the longtime Hawaii resident discloses that he is gay, something most people in the islands already knew. Hawaii is still a place that allows public people to have private lives.
Quote me on this (reading division):
"Truth may be stranger than fiction, but fiction is truer." -- Frederic Raphael"Never lend books -- nobody ever returns them; the only books I have in my library are those people have lent me." -- Anatole France
"I read part of it all the way through." -- Sam Goldwyn
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
