|
Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
One day of thanks
just isn’t enoughA few things to be thankful for:
>> Gravity.
>> Redondo's hot-dogs.
>> Watching your son or daughter struggle with calculus and knowing you don't have to do it anymore.
>> Ditto algebra.
>> Russell Crowe being picked to play Capt. Jack Aubrey in the movie "Master and Commander" instead of one of the lesser Baldwin brothers.
>> Patrick O'Brian writing the Aubrey series to begin with.
>> Cheeseburgers.
>> Cheeseburgers without mayo.
>> Anything without mayo.
>> Everything without mayo.
>> That weird, bleached-out pedophile creep Michael Jackson finally getting busted for selfishly ruining the lives of innocent young boys.
>> Not hitting red lights.
>> Tat's shave ice.
>> Not getting a hernia lifting a 23-pound frozen turkey into the back of the pickup truck.
>> Bill Murray in any movie he's ever made, but especially "Groundhog Day" and "Scrooged."
>> The extraordinary wisdom and wit of senior U.S. Judge Sam King.
>> Naps.
>> Not having to use calculus in adult life. (Whew.)
>> Not having to use algebra in adult life except for the one time when a certain uncle got on a plane going 650 miles per hour and an auntie left the train station at 5:33 a.m. and one cousin sold 50 cents worth of candy while another cousin bought 1.3 pounds of candy at 47 cents a pound and, ah, the hell with it.
>> Understanding a New Yorker magazine cartoon.
>> "Canon in D" by Pachelbel.
>> Birth of the "Macarena."
>> Death of the "Macarena."
>> Getting that damn "Macarena" song out of your head.
>> The aloofness of cats.
>> The goofy displays of unconditional love by dogs.
>> Geckos.
>> Newton's Third Law of Motion, without which most sporting events involving the use of a bouncing ball would be incredibly boring.
>> Hey, Macarena.
>> Family.
>> Old episodes of "Hawaii Five-0."
>> Indoor plumbing.
>> Indoor everything.
>> Except kite surfing.
>> Living in a place where air conditioners and heaters are both optional.
>> Four working appliances.
>> Google.
>> Spell check.
>> Watching the sun rise over Kaneohe Bay.
>> Taking a nap after watching the sun rise over Kaneohe Bay.
>> William Howard Taft.
>> Fat presidents in general.
>> Hey, Macarena.
>> Teri-beef plate lunch without mayo-macaroni salad.
>> The realization that we are living in absolutely the best times in the history of the world by just about any conceivable measure.
>> Hey, Maca ... dern it. Happy Thanksgiving.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
