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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
One potato, two potato,
three pota ... BLAM!Workers feeding potatoes into a chip-making machine in Salem, Ore., were shocked when a 3-pound military explosive turned up on their conveyor belts, according to a news story.
The 8-inch-long bomb, complete with fins, was identified by police as a small explosive used in bombing practice.
It turns out that the farm where the potatoes were grown once was used as a practice bombing range.
We bring this up because of the recent hand-over of Kahoolawe to the Hawaiians by the U.S. military. We have no idea what plans are being made for the former target isle, but we suggest NOT growing potatoes.
And now the news:
Pilot plans copter caper
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil (AP) >> After setting many records for helicopter flights, 63-year-old Jennifer Murray says she will circumnavigate the globe via the North and South poles.In 2000 she became the first woman to fly a helicopter around the world without an autopilot.
(Big deal. You hover off the ground, and in 24 hours you're back where you started, right?)
Dummy does dumb stunt
WHISKEY FLATS, Tex. (AP) >> A Texas man has stuffed the tails of nine live rattlesnakes in his mouth, besting his own record of eight.Jack Bibby banded the snakes together by their rattles and wedged the tails into his mouth and held them there for 10 seconds.
(Big deal. Stuff the OTHER side of the snakes in your mouth and you might have something.)
Here's a tasteful apology
NABUTAUTAU, Fiji (AP) >> Villagers in a remote Fijian community staged an elaborate ceremony of apology for descendants of a British missionary killed and eaten 136 years ago.The Rev. Thomas Baker and eight Fijian followers were killed and devoured by cannibals in 1867 on the island of Viti Levu. Residents say their community has been cursed ever since.
In a mixture of ancient pagan and modern Christian rites, the villagers staged a series of ceremonies hoping to erase the misfortunes they believe have kept them poor.
(And the barbecue after the ceremonies, no doubt, was finger-lickin' good.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
New entries in the "Honolulu Lite Guide to Surviving Hawaii's Highways and Byways (Without Resorting to Gunplay)."
Quote me on this (Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Division):
"Ah, Mozart! He was happily married but his wife wasn't." -- Victor Borge"It is sobering to consider that when Mozart was my age he had already been dead a year." -- Tom Lehrer
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
