BETTY SHIMABUKURO / BETTY@STARBULLETIN.COM
Eddie Leiato reads to his 4-year-old son, Eddie Jr., in a playroom at Waiawa Correctional Facility. Leiato is participating in a program to help incarcerated fathers learn to better care for their children when they are released.
When Daddy’s in jail,
he may need help learning
to relate to his children
Makana and Kahunu joyfully jumped into their father's arms as he promised to read to them after they were through stacking Legos.
It was a picture of domestic bliss, but for the Gerona family, such play time is rare.
As an inmate at Waiawa Correctional Center, Kalena Gerona visits with his sons, ages 6 and 3, in weekly one-hour sessions, with a few extra days for special holidays.
"I can't give each of them the attention they deserve during visits," Gerona said. "I spend about two days out of the whole year with my family; I've done the math. We have a lot of time to think in here."
Gerona was sent to prison for burglary two years ago, when he was 22, and may be eligible for parole next November. Three years may not seem like a lot of time for adults, but for Gerona's sons it might as well be a lifetime.
"Experiences during early childhood help form the way a child will think, behave and learn for the rest of his life," said Amy Cardamone, of Good Beginnings Alliance. "Every keiki deserves a good beginning," she added.
"It's really important to form relationships between a parent and child during the first few years of life. When parents are incarcerated, the relationships are severed."
Compared with others, children of prisoners are six times more likely to be incarcerated at some point in their lives, according to 2001 Department of Justice statistics. A 2000 Department of Justice survey also stated that almost 1.5 million youths under 18 have a parent in prison. Sixty percent of children with imprisoned parents were younger than 8.
To stop the vicious cycle, a Nurturing Fathers Program that includes an interactive play-group session was established early this summer, a collaborative effort of the Coalition for Dads, the Institute for Family Enrichment, the Good Beginnings Alliance and Waiawa Correctional Center. Classroom sessions at the correctional center help teach the dads to become supportive role models for their children.
Each 13-week Nurturing Fathers class can accommodate 15 inmates. Two sessions were conducted this year.
BETTY SHIMABUKURO / BETTY@STARBULLETIN.COM
Waiawa inmate Kalena Gerona is allowed just one hour-long visit with his family each week.
"The play group was good for me and the boys," said Gerona. "As you spend time in jail, you become a stranger to your family. Plenty of people grow apart, but I have hope now."
Heidi Kalahiki, Gerona's longtime girlfriend, said she has always stood by him. "We have been through a lot," she said.
"In a way, I'm glad he came to this place. ... He is here to change. Now, he sees how much he needs us and how much we need him. If he stayed home, he would probably be no different."
Kalahiki attended a caregiver group counseling session allowing spouses and partners to share their concerns. The partners face emotional and financial challenges when trying to raise the children of an incarcerated parent. "It was nice to get a break," Kalahiki said.
"You don't know what you've got until it's lost," said Gerona. "I've found my purpose. I want to be a good nurturer and provider, to be the best father, husband and person I possibly can. I was kinda rough on them. I've learned to be more gentle -- it's not about being a man anymore. I'm not the grouch I used to be.
"My life was one-dimensional and I was heavily into drugs. The welfare and safety of my family was put at risk."
Gerona also admitted to having a "heavy hand" with discipline, saying that was how he was raised.
It was the same for Kalahiki. "When I was small, I got lickings a lot," she said. "Nowadays, you just can't whack your kids anymore."
The Nurturing Fathers Program has taught Gerona new ways to deal with annoyances.
With "lots of love and lessons from the facility," Gerona hopes to show his sons that he is a new man.
"My older son saw a lot of bad things. I want him to realize that I'm not the bad person I used to be," said Gerona. "I needed time away to think about where I was going and where I wanted to be."
BETTY SHIMABUKURO / BETTY@STARBULLETIN.COM
Waiawa Correctional Facility inmate Kalena Gerona visits with longtime girlfriend Heidi Kalahiki and their sons, Kahanu, 3, and Makana, 6.
Following each play session, the inmates gather to reflect on the day's events, discuss what they learned and the value of play.
A couple of them discussed the problems of children and unmet needs. "I hear a lot of guys talk about life without their dad," said one inmate who did not want his name published. "They blamed their actions on their parent's absence. I want to make a difference and be a part of my kid's life."
Most of the inmates feared that their kids would grow up not knowing them. Eddie Leiato was sentenced on firearm charges and for promotion of dangerous drugs when his child was only 3 months old. Eddie Jr. is now 4 and has been attending play sessions with his dad for the 11 weeks. Leiato, who is up for parole in January, feels fortunate that he is being allowed to bond with his son in advance of his release.
"The relationship is good. I feel more connected," he said. "Before, he was just coming to visit someone behind bars.
"We have plans, and now he asks me to do things with him. We had never eaten a meal together. Now, we can eat snacks and play toys. It's kinda sad, and I don't want it to end."
Leiato doesn't want his son to suffer his fate. "I never had a dad, and my mom was always too busy. I had to figure things out on my own," he said. "If someone had been an older friend to me, I may not be in this situation. I want to be there for my son."
INCARCERATED DADS can also attend evening group sessions that cover parenting topics and discipline solutions. "We role-play. ... One inmate is the son and the other is the dad. It's fun and interesting," said Gerona, who never expected to be learning such things in jail.
"Attendance is totally voluntary and they never miss one session," said Waiawa Warden Ted Sakai, who has been named an "Outstanding Government Advocate for Fathers" for his contribution to the success of the Nurturing Fathers/Play and Learn project at the correctional facility. "I've seen changes in some of the inmates," he said. "They have a different sense of responsibility; they carry themselves a little better. They are learning to be good fathers, to model good behavior and become better citizens."
The Nurturing Fathers Program has yet to see its first graduate be released, but Sakai and his staff hope that the program will prove its value over time.
"Ninety-five percent of inmates in the system will go home with their families," Sakai said. "The bottom line: It's for the kids. We want to positively impact their lives."
"We are in the business of hope," said prison social worker Lois Torikawa. "Some of the inmates had never interacted with their children, but they are learning how to become better parents."
As administrator for men's services at the Institute for Family Enrichment, Tom Naki teaches the inmates' evening classes. "We are trying to build them up, raise their self-esteem and levels of empathy.
"The dads really want to make it better, to move ahead in their life. It's got me excited, and I help by hanging in there with them. We are trying to stop the cycle of incarceration," he said.
"Enough is enough. We are hoping and praying that they do not go back to their old ways. We are trying to strengthen the circle of the family. The community benefits, the family benefits and we all win," said Naki. "We want to teach that all fathers need to be responsible and that they are not a sissy if they are feeding a baby a bottle or hugging their children."
Inside his classroom, Naki tells the inmates: "Once you are in the canoe, there is no looking back. You start paddling and move ahead."
Workshops focus on
Dads and father figures will have the opportunity to attend parenting workshops at the Appreciating Fathers Conference taking place 8:30 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. Nov. 22 at Kamehameha Schools' Kapalama campus.
parental skillsKeiki and caregivers will participate in crafts, games and other activities. Kamehameha students will also keep families entertained with a drama presentation of "The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe."
The 17 parenting workshops include topics such as "Creative Ways to Spend Time with Your Family," "Dad and Family Finances," "Becoming the Dad You Really Want to Be," "Loving Discipline of Young Keiki" and "Dads for Life: Ways to Stay Connected with Your Kids."
The cost to attend the conference is $5 for adults, which includes lunch; $2 for ages 6 to 18; and free for 5 and younger. Friday is the deadline to register. Call 841-2245.
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