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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Chefs flesh out
new serving plates
News Item: The hottest new trend in the culinary world is "body sushi," which started in Japan and is a hit among Los Angeles caterers to the stars.Diners indulging in "body sushi" pick raw fish off the near-naked body of a supine model, who lies motionless with her more delicate parts camouflaged with flowers. Ti leaves act as a barrier between fish and skin.
The decadent spectacle is expected to work its way into mainstream restaurants and expand beyond just raw fish.
Trouble is brewing, or at least frying, at Mel Silva's "Da Kine Local Drive-in" in Kaimuki.
"Confound it, Wendell! You gotta lie still or else I won't get this order ready before the lunch crowd gets here!"
Wendell, a slightly hairy youth on the portly side, is lying flat on his back on a picnic table on the drive-in's lanai wearing nothing but his BVDs.
"Cannot help, Mel," Wendell whines. "Dese french fries hot you know! Stay burning my chest. Wen you going pau?"
"Hey, bruddah," says Mel, "If you been doing those sit-ups like I told you, dis chicken katsu wouldn't keep sliding off your opu, like trying to balance manapua on Mauna Loa."
"Your opu bigger than mine, cuz. All dat beer you drink. Besides, I nevah like be one pupu platter, you know," says Wendell.
"Yeah, but you the one widda big idea to turn this place into a, wat-chu-call, upscale eatery. You the one who saw that "body sushi" article in the papers. And you said you could get your cousin Ruby for be the serving dish."
"Hey, brah," Wendell says, "If you hadn't spilled that saimin inside her surf shorts, she wouldn't have run home. She told Uncle and now he going kick our okole when he finds us."
"That girl too skinny to be one sushi platter. Get knobby knees," Mel says, delicately balancing a malasada on Wendell's forehead. "'Sides, you got more area to work wit. You one regular smorgus board."
"What's a smorgus board?" Wendell asks, secretly extracting crack seed from his ear.
"Ho, you think you suphistacated but you don't know nothing, brah," Mel says. "A smorgus board is one board with plenny food on top. Larry Price said so on da radio an' dat buggah he smart, you know."
"I know dis wuz my idea but, brah, kind of make A, eh, lying outside with no more clothes," Wendell says. "People going see my BVDs."
"Nah. That big bowl of macaroni salad covers 'em up," Mel says, sticking black olives on Wendell's toes. "There! Sushi, sashimi, teri beef, long rice, burgers ... You look like one luau, bruddah! I no kid you! Now, don't move! Get customers starting for come in."
"Mel, wen we get rich, we going hire good-lookin' wahines for be da platters, right?"
"Sure, Wendell," says Mel. "But for today, just smile, stay quiet and try not for scratch nothing."
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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
