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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Mililani comes under
the gun (and garbage)Mililani, often called the "Best Behaved" of Honolulu communities, was given the dubious distinction of being Mayor Jeremy Harris' lab rat for his planned islandwide rubbish recycling program.
I suspect the mayor picked Mililani because it's a quiet, neat neighborhood where people keep their lawns trimmed and sidewalks swept, cats and dogs get along like pals, bunnies hop unmolested through the parks and residents speak in low tones, even when arguing about whose rain gutters are the most pristine.
If you are going to ask people to sort their garbage into different categories to assure proper recycling, it's best to deal with people who are used to the basics of garbage handling -- that is, that garbage goes INTO garbage cans, preferably ones with lids and preferably after it has been double-bagged to keep the creatures out.
That's a pretty tall order for some places on Oahu -- where I live, for instance. Some of my neighbors apparently believe that getting rubbish NEAR a rubbish can is good enough. Their idea of separating rubbish is to put the automobile engine block to the side of the discarded refrigerator instead of directly in it. Some also seem to believe that the time to put out rubbish is exactly eight minutes after the garbage truck has left, to assure that their garbage has a least three days to get good and stinky.
DESPITE BEING efficient, compliant and generally decent people, Mililani residents may find the pilot recycling program too much for even them. Here's the way I understand the program will work:
Rubbish will be picked up twice a week, as usual. But that rubbish cannot contain any newspaper, plastics, aluminum, car batteries, doggie poo or any food wrapper featuring the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
Once a week, trucks will pick up green waste collected from front yards, but not including plumeria blossoms or ficus limbs. On alternate weeks, waste from back yards will be picked up as long as it doesn't include banana leaves, coconut trees or croquet mallets.
Every other Thursday will be for disposal of small-necked plastic bottles and Mardi Gras beads. Glass containers -- except those that held liquids -- will be picked up on the seventh Friday of every month. Newspapers, except those containing long-winded editorials about the Middle East, will be picked up on Monday and returned on Wednesday. Magazines will be collected any day of the week as long as the homeowner stands outside his house in boxer shorts while sporting a silly hat.
Liquor bottles and beer cans will picked up after being photographed and checked for fingerprints and the results posted on the Mililani Neighborhood Board Web site.
A few other details are still being worked on, such as whether to separate rubbish according to colors and horoscope signs. If Mililani residents can't figure it all out, nobody can.
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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
