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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
’Tis the season to be
extremely confusedHalloween is getting so popular that department stores have started hanging black cats and little jack-o'-lanterns on their Christmas tree displays.
Stores used to wait until at least Thanksgiving before setting up all the Christmas stuff. Now they break out the Santas and wreaths before Halloween. Then they break out the Halloween and Thanksgiving junk, too. This must be very confusing to children. Let's see, Santa landed at Plymouth Rock on a flying pumpkin while the Three Wise Men gathered around a boiling caldron and Indians shared candy with a baby in a manger and ... ah, forget it.
Now the news:
Pilot dumb, hands down
SANTIAGO, Chile >> A disabled man was kicked off an airliner because the pilot thought his artificial hand could be used as a dangerous weapon.The El Mercurio newspaper reported that the man offered to leave the hand behind, but the pilot still would not let him on board. Roberto Carcamo was allowed to get on a subsequent flight, but he said the incident had spoiled his honeymoon. He was traveling with his pregnant wife after just getting married.
("Armed?" Roberto complained. "I'm not even handed.")
One ounce per pounce
KEIGHLEY, U.K. (BBC News) >> A hamster so small it could fit into a matchbox may find its way into the Guinness Book of Records. The tiny creature, named Peewee, is fully grown yet measures less than 1 inch and weighs less than an ounce.(Asked the secret to rearing such a tiny hamster, his owner replied, "Don't feed 'em.")
Now for Beer Play 101
HAMBURG (AP) >> A German bar is offering women who want to go shopping without their partners the chance to park the guys at what it bills as the country's first "Kindergarten for men."(Please, honey, don't throw me in the briar patch.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Hawaii, strangely, never comes in at the top of national polls in categories like "Best Climate" or "Best Beaches." But for the third year in a row, we've taken the gold in the "Highest Number of Thefts" competition. Well done, boys. Now, about that bronze in homicide ...
Quote me on this (Education Division):
"It doesn't make much difference what you study, a long as you don't like it." -- Finley Peter Dunne"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.A. or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." -- Fats Domino
"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra." -- Fran Lebowitz
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
