On Faith The Rev. Al Miles |
COURTESY OF GAEL STRACK
The Rev. Al Miles was present at the White House on Oct. 8 as President Bush proclaimed October to be National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.
Clergy play key role
against domestic violenceWhen President Bush proclaimed October as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month, he recognized the important role of faith communities in helping to bring an end to violence in families. "When men and women face violence and injustice, it is important for our government to understand that oftentimes they turn to their churches or synagogues or mosques for help, as they should. These are places of love."
As a faith-based agency helping to develop a network of clergy across the United States who are trained to assist victims of domestic violence, we at Pacific Health Ministry have found this to be true. Here are several principles we ask clergy and congregants to keep in mind as they seek to intervene in situations of domestic violence occurring within their midst. We'll focus here on the violence males perpetrate against their female intimate partners, because it is still where the greatest preponderance of the abuse occurs.
>> Make the safety of a victimized woman and her children top priority. This is a vital first step for all clergy and lay members to take. (Marriage is certainly intended to be an everlasting and sacred bond. However, in cases of domestic violence, keeping a marriage and family together "at all costs" can bring further harm, and even death, to victimized women and children.)For more information on domestic violence awareness education sessions for clergy and congregants, call Pacific Health Ministry at 591-6556.>> Listen to and believe a victimized woman's story. Always thank a victim for the courage and trust she demonstrates by sharing her story with you. Tell her that there is no excuse or justification for domestic violence. Ask how you may provide further assistance to her.
>> Do not participate in, or recommend, couples' or marriage counseling. Domestic violence is not about men and women struggling as a couple. It is about the decision of one partner, usually the male, to use abusive and violent tactics to maintain power and control over his female intimate partner. Couples' or marriage counseling is inappropriate and risky in these situations and could lead to further abuse and even death.
>> Seek education and training. If clergy and congregants are to play a vital part in helping a victim and perpetrator of domestic violence, then it is essential that we seek proper and ongoing education and training.
>> Practice the team approach. To be most effective, clergy and congregation members need the assistance of community service providers: advocates, batterers' intervention specialists, child protective services providers, crisis intervention counselors, law enforcement officers, legal professionals, shelter workers, and victim and witness assistance personnel, to name just a few. The point cannot be overstated: Never try to care for a victim or batterer alone.
>> Establish a safety plan for the victim. Clergy and laity can assist a victim of abuse by helping her establish a safety plan that can be implemented quickly should her partner's abuse continue or escalate. Include in this plan a safety kit, kept in a place where the perpetrator will not discover it, that contains items such as cash, a change of clothing, toiletries, an extra photo identification card and a list of phone numbers of counselors, friends and shelters.
>> Hold an abuser accountable. A perpetrator of domestic violence is deceitful and manipulative. He rarely takes responsibility for his destructive behavior, blaming instead alcohol, children, drugs, job stress, mood swings, Satan and, especially, his victim. It is vital that clergy and congregants not get taken in by an abuser's slick and manipulative ways, or that we unwittingly collude with him by offering any justification for his criminal behavior.
>> Finally, clergy and congregation members must allow victimized women to express themselves freely. We must never judge their choices, whether they decide to leave or remain with an abusive male partner.
The Rev. Al Miles is coordinator of hospital ministry for Pacific Health Ministry at the Queen's Medical Center and is a member of the National Advisory Committee on Violence Against Women, which is co-chaired by the U.S. Departments of Justice and Health and Human Services. He is the author of two books: "Domestic Violence: What Every Pastor Needs to Know" and "Violence in Families: What Every Christian Needs to Know."
Religion Calendar
