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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Stop presses! Nothin’
happened on this date!Today, Oct. 24, is a momentous day in history because apparently absolutely nothing of any importance happened. Nobody famous was born, no scientific inventions were invented, no composers composed anything worthwhile ... a complete washout.
I know that nothing happened on this date because I visited thisdaythatyear.com on the Internet, a Web site where you can find out what was going on in history on any particular date. I don't know what makes Oct. 24 a day that famous people don't want to be born or die on and that conquerors stable their horses, but there you go. Nothing happened on Oct. 24. Zippo. And that's what makes it so special.
Now the news:
Safe sex, lousy fishing
MILWAUKEE (AP) >> Milwaukee will spend $2 million on a filtering system at a waste-water treatment plant to stop condoms from floating into Lake Michigan. The issue came up when a fisherman discovered hundreds of condoms floating in Milwaukee Harbor.The sewage commission had been paying an employee to scoop spent condoms from tanks with a long-handled net.
(Now THERE's a job that makes you want to jump out of bed in the morning.)
Name for car crashes
TORONTO >> A General Motors executive said a new car model set to debut next year will be renamed, the Toronto Sun reported.The company was excited about the release of the Buick LaCrosse until executives learned that LaCrosse is Quebec slang for masturbation.
(No comment.)
Hitler made dog shake
BERLIN (AP) >> A man will not be prosecuted for training his German shepherd "Adolf" to raise a paw in imitation of the Nazi salute.The 54-year-old man will be charged, however, for shouting "Heil Hitler!" just before the dog's feat.
It's against the law to yell Nazi slogans in public.
Police watched as the man yelled "Heil Hitler!" and commanded the dog to "do the salute." The dog then lifted his right paw.
(When he yelled "Neville Chamberlain!" the dog would roll over.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
While nothing happened on this date in history, it's a different story for this Sunday, Oct. 26. For instance, the United States annexed western Florida in 1810, and in 1822 King Willem I forced Brussels citizens to speak Dutch. (Down! Goose bumps!) Read "Honolulu Lite" on Sunday to find out the many fascinating things that occurred on that day.
Quote me on this:
"May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house." -- George Carlin
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
