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’Net Junkie Shawn "Speedy" Lopes |
Psychos worthy
of the InternetThey ring the homes of their former lovers at all hours of the day. When their persistence proves unsuccessful, they leave rambling, delirious notes, jumbled e-mails and kooky answering machine messages for the objects of their twisted affections. The deranged paramour is the one individual you don't want to involve yourself with, though many have had the misfortune of discovering their once-charming sweetheart is an absolute nut case.
If this sounds familiar, you may be interested in www.psycho-ex.com, which chronicles desperate acts of jilted lovers driven mad by bitter breakups. As its creators, Spike and Elaine, explain, "Psycho-Ex.Com is designed with the belief that we are all allowed to make one very big mistake, and this is your venue to talk about yours -- your ex-lover!" Visitors are encouraged to send in stories. If you're offended by strong language, don't read on.
Click on "Best of Psycho-Ex" for the juiciest pieces. From "SB" of parts unknown comes this curious letter, several pages long, sent to him by a disgruntled ex: "If only your prey could smell you approaching. If only we would open our eyes enough to see the fangs inside the grin. You are not smooth. You are not toned or handsome, rich or talented. You lure our sensitive hearts with your weeping wounds. Sponge after sponge soaks into your holes. Frantic suturing is forever short one last knot. We bandage and bandage until we are wrapped in your Lack." Point index finger at side of head. Rotate finger clockwise.
Kim Bates, from Atlanta, writes: "I spent 8 years married to a man who watched every woman in the world walk by. They didn't even have to be good looking and most weren't. After 8 years of hearing how hot, sleazy, yada, yada, yada that every other woman was I told him I wanted to split up.
He hooked up with our daughter's best friend's mom who lived three doors down from us within a week of us splitting up."
Then there is the young man who endured the indignity of being continually cheated on by his girlfriend. "Finally after three venereal diseases I packed my stuff and moved across country," he writes. "She tracked me down to show me that she had gotten new breasts and she wanted me to see what I would be missing! That was really low! I managed to scare her away by acting insane and violent, but I'm not sure I was acting anymore at that point. Recently I've seen her on the cover of numerous porno boxes. I even rented a few just to torture the hell out of myself! She is a horrible porn actress. At least that's some relief!"
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
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’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
