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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Marriage is a gamble
but divorce is
a roll of the dice'I Hate You Daddy!" screamed the first line of a classified advertisement in a local weekly newspaper. It got my attention because, well, I'm a daddy and, frankly, when you have a teenage daughter, life isn't always peaches and cream on the homefront.
My popularity with my daughter swings more wildly than California gubernatorial polls. But I didn't remember any recent unpleasantness that would have driven her to take out a public advertisement against me.
On closer inspection, the ad was not directed at me personally. Or even generally. It was directed at divorced fathers. After the "I Hate You Daddy!" line it said: "Does your child feel this way? Get the money you need to pay your child support."
Apparently there are divorced dads out there whose kids hate them because they aren't paying child support. And the person who placed the ad was there to help them. How? By teaching them to play craps. Yeah, craps. The dice game. The "Momma needs a new pair of shoes!" dice game. The dice game that the little kid beats Steve McQueen at the end of the movie "The Cincinnati Kid."
I thought this had to be a joke but the address for the Web site was -- no kidding -- www.crapsforthedivorceddad.com.
I've seen some bizarre Web sites in my time and have even been accused of owning one myself: www.nomayo.com, headquarters of the Worldwide I Hate Mayonnaise Club. But trust me here, a Web site for people around the globe who hate mayo is a bastion of common sense and good taste compared with a site that suggests the way to financial salvation for deadbeat divorced dads is through the craps tables.
But that's exactly what William J. Giroir, a happy if somewhat puffy-looking chap, is pushing.
"Hello!" Giroir greets you when you hit his page. "I'm William J. Giroir, a divorced father of three children and author of the book 'Craps for the Divorced Dad.' I'm going to show you how you can get the money you need to pay your child support AND have a life of your own."
Next to the word "Dad" in the book title, he has a little copyright symbol just in case, I suppose, someone's thinking of ripping off his breakthrough idea.
THIS GUY must have a huge pair of dice. I mean, who would seriously push the idea of becoming a responsible dad through gambling? What if gambling caused the divorce to begin with?
But Giroir is serious. He promises dads will learn to win at craps 92 percent of the time. I hope pit bosses in Las Vegas are able to handle hordes of divorced dads rolling the bones and carting away money in wheelbarrows.
The author admits that turning to craps as a way to get money to support your children takes a leap of faith. As he writes so eloquently: "Finding the courage to try something new is like trying to find your car keys. They're always where you least expect but the first place you should have looked." Uh, OK.
To be fair -- and to double his customer base -- Giroir has another Web site at www.crapsforthesinglemom.com. The man is brilliant. Shameless, but brilliant. I can't wait for "Craps for the Married Father of a Teenage Daughter Who Thinks He's Insane" to come out.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
