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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Congress and Prez
dial the right numberPresident Bush yesterday signed the "No Bodda Me" law, which stops telemarketers from calling anyone who signs up with the Federal Trade Commission's "Do Not Call" list.
Displaying cheetah-like speed, Congress passed the legislation just days after a federal judge said the FTC had no authority to run the don't-call registry. Congress has not passed a piece of law so quickly since enacting the "National Spittoon Act of 1874," a mere 45 minutes after the anti-chewing tobacco lobby got a federal judge to rule that spittoons not only were a disgusting health hazard but so was everything within a 3-foot radius of the repulsive receptacles, thanks to most chewers' faulty sense of aim.
What made Congress' rapid passing of the telemarketing legislation even more astonishing is that it wasn't even in session at the time.
I've been at the forefront of the anti-telemarketing movement for years, going back to when telemarketers could only hassle people by semaphore and Morse Code. (You think phone solicitors are annoying now, imagine having to answer unsolicited flag signals on your roof all day long.)
I provided readers with a wide range of ways of dealing with sales callers, my favorite being, repeat everything they say to you back to them in the form of a question.
Solicitor: I'm calling on behalf of Acme Mortgage Co.
Me: You're calling on behalf of Acme Mortgage Co.?
Solicitor: Interest rates are at their lowest level in 10 years.
Me: Interest rates are at their lowest level in 10 years?
It takes the caller a good 15 minutes to figure out that you're just messing with him.
I also suggested asking them to hold on and then play a guitar or other instrument (preferably badly) into the phone for a half hour, interrupting your concert frequently to assure the callers, "I'll be right with you. Hang on."
IT USED TO BE fun to ask the caller to give you HIS home phone number so you could call him back later. They would get so indignant. ("Give you my private phone number? Call me at MY home? Are you nuts?") Now they are ready for it and just give you the number of someone they hate.
I am one of the 50 million people to have signed up on the "No Bodda Me" list. You can do it by going to www.donotcall.gov on the Internet. I was glad to see that Congress and the President jumped all over this issue, showing that government can move quickly when it's against an organization that obviously doesn't make enough political contributions.
Before I wrote this column, I wanted to see what other people thought about the "No Bodda Me" law so I called 1,700 people at random at dinner time. Surprisingly 1,698 respondents were exceedingly rude and hung up on me, one guy played a guitar (badly), and the other asked me a lot of dumb questions.
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
