|
Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
New taxes are good
to the last dropWith local econ-omies struggling nationwide, states and cities are imposing what I've begun to call "Willie Sutton taxes."
Willie Sutton taxes are taxes on things like liquor, beer, luxury autos, upscale property and, my new personal favorite, Seattle's proposed tax on espresso.
The problem local governments face, especially in our own little Tax Hell in Paradise, is that everyone is already taxed up to the eyeballs and yet there still isn't enough money to run the schools, libraries and buses, while fixing roads, sewers and water lines.
So what do you do? If you cut back on services and lay off workers, you end up with nasty things like strikes, which Honolulu is finding out via the current bus controversy. You have to raise more money, but (and I've personally confirmed this) money doesn't grow on trees. It also doesn't grow on hibiscus bushes, pineapple plants or bamboo shoots. (It does seem to grow on marijuana plants and coca shrubs, but that's another story.)
So the search for new sources of revenue to run government -- also called the "Blood from the Turnip Quest" -- has led to Willie Sutton taxes.
Sutton, you may recall, is the famous robber who, when asked why he robbed banks, allegedly said, "Because that's where the money is." Apparently the last bit of money that can be wrung from the populace with a minimum of screams of pain from the victims is in the vice or luxury end of the economy.
So boozers and smokers are being targeted nationwide as rich veins to be mined or, more accurately, bled. It's easy and amusing to tax compulsives and addicts because, hey, where are they gonna go for their nicotine and alcohol fixes? Iran? Ha, ha, ha!
THE NEXT PLACE "the money is" is in the pockets of rich people or people who can afford a new car, new house or strong coffee in a tiny cup.
Thus, Seattle officials want to impose a 10 cent-per-cup tax on those hoity-toity coffee drinks like espresso and cappuccino. The money will go to child-care programs so that if any of the rich jerks who pay five bucks for an espresso complain about the new tax, everyone will know that not only are they rich jerks who are too good to drink regular American coffee, they also hate children.
This is a brilliant move and one that Honolulu should institute immediately. I saw a guy drinking espresso the other day, and I had this overwhelming urge to beat him up (he was smaller than me) and take his lunch money.
Taxing espresso also is a move that Willie Sutton would have endorsed wholeheartedly. Because, as it turns out, he didn't actually say he robbed banks because that's where the money is; he said he robbed banks because it was fun. And what is more fun than sticking up well-heeled, pretentious pseudo-intellectuals as they saunter into Starbucks?
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
