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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Saddam’s sons are alive,
hanging with ElvisPeople will believe anything. Anything stupid, that is. Some Iraqis believe Saddam Hussein's idiot sons Ohmy and Fussy, or whatever their names are, are still alive. It apparently taxes the imagination too much to think a heavily armed infantry division backed by tanks and rocket-launching helicopters could kill a couple of murderous knuckleheads.
I'm not saying Americans are any more reasonable. A "pet psychic" has her own TV show. This is a woman whom other people pay to psychically communicate with their animals. She recently melded minds with a distraught terrier. Apparently, the pooch either had gas or was upset about Ohmy and Fussy still being alive.
Now the news:
Cow's day is numbered
TORONTO (CP) >> Gambling has reached a new low with the introduction of a game in which a cow meanders along an enormous roulette board until it expels digested nutritional matter on a number."Moolette" bettors put money on one of 36 numbers and hope the cow sees fit to relieve itself on their pick.
The game is sponsored by a tire manufacturer hoping to "raise awareness of Canada's beleaguered beef industry."
(You'd think they'd pick a game like craps for this enterprise instead of roulette.)
Tea bad to the last drop
SINGAPORE (AP) >> A 21-year-old Indonesian maid was sentenced to 10 weeks in jail for mixing her urine into her employers' coffee and tea.Yuliana Tukiran told investigators it was part of a desperate ploy to make her employers send her home. She was convicted of committing "an act of mischief."
(An act of mischief? No, no. Putting salt in the sugar jar is an act of mischief. Piddling in someone's tea is a hanging offense.)
Elephants get bum wrap
NEW DELHI (AP) >> Elephant minders in India's capital have begun putting reflectors on the animals' backsides at night to stop them from being rear-ended by motorists.(We understand the reflectors, but the air foils and racing stripes seem a bit too much.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Writing obituaries for people who aren't dead yet is one of the most upsetting aspects of newspaper reporting. Not to mention unlucky. New York Times writer Vincent Canby wrote a beautiful obit for Bob Hope, who died this week. Unfortunately for Canby, he wrote the obit in 2000 and died himself shortly thereafter.
Quote me on this:
"My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. My homework was not stolen by a one-armed man. My homework ..." -- Bart Simpson
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society
of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears
Tuesdays, Thursdays , Fridays and Sundays.
E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com
