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The Goddess Speaks By Carol Lee Ramie |
An ace in
your pocketI have never been much of a card player but the term "an ace in your pocket," I suspect, must have originated from a card game. The definition that comes to my mind when I hear this phrase is the secret knowledge of strong and immediate support on your side -- "the ultimate backup system." With this card, the gambler has a better chance at accomplishing the task at hand.
I am the mother of three with the first a son who is married with children. The other two are teen-aged girls, at 14 and 15. I'm happy that my son lives close by so we can regularly see him and his family. We often talk on the phone, mainly about me picking up the baby from day care when he and his wife work late. We talk about Sunday dinner plans, church functions and other mundane things.
Now that he is a parent I feel that his love and appreciation for me has matured. And my love for him has grown to a new level too as I can relate to him as a parent. Each time we say goodbye, we end with "I love yous." I feel he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is unconditionally, inexpressibly and inexplicably loved by his father and I. We will always be an "ace in his pocket."
As I pushed my shopping cart out of Safeway today with my granddaughter buckled in the basket, I felt happy and at ease, even though I had left unfinished business at work to pick her up from day care. As busy as I am raising two teenaged girls, running a company and a household, I find a way to be there for my son and his family when they need help. Yes, I am the ace in his pocket, that card he can count on, his backup plan, and there's no other place I'd rather be.
MY DAUGHTERS, on the other hand, make me feel like "the hole in their pockets." I don't dress right, talk right, drive right, enter their room right or dance right. When I pull into the parking lot at their school I must never pass a certain point in the drop-off zone. I must not stare at their friends or inquire about them, point at anything, talk too loud, and God forbid, I must never ever attempt to kiss them in public.
Recently, while driving to a church function, I lost my temper and yelled at them. After the event finished and with my spirit restored, I attempted to tell them how bad I felt about losing my temper. As I humbled myself and started to apologize, the younger of the two blurted, "Oh God, are you going to cry again" and walked off before I could finish my sentence.
As rejected as I felt, I thought of the rough spots my son and I hit during his teen years and reminded myself that this too shall pass. I thought about how someday they will understand that without a shadow of a doubt that I love them in an unconditional, inexpressible and inexplicable way... that I am and always have been on their side!
Recently, a married couple with nine children visited our church. Seven of the children were adopted and five of them were teenagers! Without hesitating I asked, "How do you do it?"
"Don't take it too personally," was their simple, powerful tip.
Yes, I am the ace in my three childrens' pockets. Two of them just don't know it yet.
Carol Lee Ramie runs Island Investigative Services with her husband.
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