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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Mexican bounty hunter
may nab fugitive DogSources tell us that noted Mexican bounty hunter Manuel "Perro" Gonzalez is hanging out in Hawaii waiting for the return of Duane "Dog" Chapman. Not really. But wouldn't that be a great episode in the continuing saga of Hawaii-based bounty hunter Dog, who was arrested in Mexico after apprehending notorious rapist Andrew Luster? Dog was let off his legal leash with a promise to return to Mexico for court appearances. After getting his blond mane safely north of the border, Dog refused to return to Mexico, and now he's a fugitive. Fair's fair. So we shouldn't be surprised if a Mexican bounty hunter named "Perro" tries to bring Dog to heel.
And now the news:
Bug's life hard to swallow
JERUSALEM (AP) >> In a bizarre incident, an Israeli woman swallowed a cockroach and then swallowed a fork she used to try to fish the critter out of her throat.A surgeon retrieved the fork. The roach, which flew into the woman's mouth while she was outside working, was digested.
(The lesson here is, never use a fork to retrieve a cockroach from your throat. The proper implement is a soup spoon.)
A theme park to die for
BUCHAREST, Romania (AP) >> Plans to build a Dracula theme park are moving ahead in Romania and will include a gothic castle with spooky effects, golf courses and hotel. The planned location in Snagov is close to the burial site of Vlad the Impaler, the real-life prince who inspired the Dracula myth. Vlad was known to have murdered hundreds of people, leaving their bodies impaled on stakes throughout his estates.(Children visiting the park are expected to enjoy rides like the "Blood Sucker Bumper Cars" and "Crusty Corpse Carousel." At the Undead Grill, visitors can order Vlad's Kanibal Kabobs cooked without garlic, natch.)
No yucks at humor meet
CHICAGO >> It was no laughing matter when hundreds of humor scholars gathered for the International Society of Humor Studies Conference.Kicking off the event, co-organizer Richard Hallett asked, "Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a bunch of humor academics were chasing it." According to the Chicago Sun-Times, the rest of the conference was similarly unfunny.
(If professor Hallett only had been holding a rubber chicken.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Feral chickens roam around us like the sacred cows of India. How did wild entrees reach such exalted status while their commercial brethren enjoy no such protected rank? Are there equal rights among island fowl? See Sunday's "Honolulu Lite."
Quote Me on This:
"One-fifth of the people are against everything all the time." -- Robert Kennedy
See the Columnists section for some past articles.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com