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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Maui cat no
itty-bitty kittyOne of the nice things about Hawaii is that you can go for a walk in the woods without worrying about eaten alive.
That is unlike places on the mainland where misguided environmentalists always try to re-habitate the wilderness with large, hungry predators.
Ever since man could walk (and, more importantly, run) upright, humans have been hell-bent on wiping out every species bigger or meaner than we are. We've done a good job of it. You're rarely bothered by a rampaging mastodon anymore.
Sure, we've let a few big animals exist, mainly cows. But that's just because they taste good and are easy to catch. Few elephants, rhinos, giraffes and whales are left, mostly just for atmosphere. And because they aren't really a threat to us. You never see a giraffe that's a serial killer, for instance.
We've killed off most of the real scary animals, like saber-toothed tigers and Tasmanian devils. I'm not sure what Tasmanian devils were, but with a name like that, they had to go.
Ever since Lewis and Clark, we've been trying to get shed of wild bears, big cats and wolves. Then the environmental movement kicked in, and now the wilderness in Alaska and on the mainland is teeming with them. The fact that the occasional hiker gets killed and eaten is a small price to pay for ... well, I'm not sure what humans get out of the deal, but bears and cougars are happy.
Besides, I live in Hawaii, where we only have predators in our waters, not on land. There's a big difference between sharks and, say, mountain lions. It's the difference between being afraid to snorkel and being afraid to take out your garbage.
I should say we once had no predators on land. Turns out that a large cat has been spotted on Maui, and it isn't Garfield. Wildlife officials think it may be something like a cougar or puma, one of those kitties that are all teeth and claws and know how to use them. Someone probably smuggled it into Hawaii as a baby and released it into the wild after it had grown up and eaten them out of house, home, pets, car and neighbors.
It also might be one of the smaller "large" cats like a bobcat, serval or lynx. Officials doubt it's a lion or tiger because when you see one of those lurking around, you don't say, "Hey, look, it's a large cat of some sort." You say, loudly, "LION!" or "TIGER!"
Some people will say you can't have a cougar or leopard roaming Maui because they aren't indigenous to the island. That seems unfair, since people aren't indigenous, either, but plenty of them are there.
In any case, wildlife officials are trying to catch the mystery feline. That cat's gotta go. It's nothing personal, just an age-old menu issue: Humans would rather plan menus, not be on them.
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Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com