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The Goddess Speaks By Tina Terry-Bails |
Arguments with
husband are really sillyDo you know that most of the arguments you have with your husband are over the silliest things? Then, after you make up, you really don't remember what the argument was about. You're just happy the fighting is over.
My husband and I can sense little spats coming and could nip them at the start, but we're both so stubborn, we just can't give in right away.
Then the good part comes. "You yelled at me," I would say.
He would then say, "I'm not yelling," even louder than before. That's when it really gets heated, because what we were originally arguing about is long forgotten, and now it is about why he is yelling.
My husband reminds me a lot of Ricky Ricardo, except he doesn't speak Spanish. Then, of course, there is silence. That's even worse. Then comes the part where the both of you really act like children. You avoid each other's glances, and you are very polite when you say something to each other, for example, "I don't want to bother you, but do you have the remote control?"
You have to use that sweet, hurt, innocent tone of voice when you ask him something, because you want him to feel guilty. He will nonchalantly hand it to you, trying not to get too close. That is his way of telling you his feelings are hurt and that he doesn't think he did anything wrong.
You then thank him in the same quite little voice that you have practiced using all these years, especially for occasions such as this, because you know it is getting your point across. This goes on for a little while, then it gets tiring, so by bedtime you are pretty cordial to each other. I'm usually pretty tired after an argument, not only playing the game, but then trying to remember how it started, because if he happens to want to talk about it, you have to be prepared. All the while, you are thinking to yourself, I apologized first last time, so it's his turn. If you don't watch out, this could start up a whole new battle!
I have to admit that I bring on a lot of these little conflicts myself. I am very independent, and I tend to make decisions that we should make together. I tell myself that he will tell me to go ahead and do it anyway, so why bother him? This is true in most cases, but I still owe him the respect of a consultation, right?
Once we had one of our baby spats. That's what I call them because there isn't enough time in the morning before work for a long heated talk. To me, these spats are the worst. We have a rule about never leaving home without saying "I love you," no matter how angry we are at each other. Even so, I spend all day at work wondering if I should I call him and tell him I'm sorry, while trying to determine my fault in the matter before giving up an inch.
Then reality sets in. We were growing apart! How could that be? We have so much love in our home. I then realized that the love part is only a small part of what makes a relationship work. We weren't letting ourselves be individuals; we only did things and made choices as a couple. I felt I wasn't being treated as my own person, a person who can make my own decisions, whether right or wrong.
I wanted some changes, not only for myself, but for the both of us. We had not lost our love, passion and respect for one another, but we had been taking each other for granted for so long without realizing it!
I began writing him a letter. I wanted to put all my thoughts on paper and give it to him that evening, with the hope of further discussion.
I couldn't wait until the evening for him to read it, so I sent it via fax. He phoned me within minutes of receiving the letter and was very emotional about it. We finally saw the light!
Things are so different now. Even though we still have our disagreements, as we all do at times, we do stop and think about each other's feelings and we do not let our emotions take over, especially the angry ones. We discuss the problem and we work it out.
Sharing our feelings, even if in the form of letters, made such a big difference in our lives. Sharing thoughts and feelings is where true love begins.
Tina Terry-Bails is the author of "Eternal Flame" and is at work on a sequel entitled "Passion's Pride."
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