Alo-Ha! Friday

Charles Memminger

Fewer trash pickups
do not less rubbish make

Thankfully, the Honolulu City Council has struck down the mayor's ill-conceived plan to cut back rubbish pickup to once instead of twice a week. To put the matter in quasi-scientific/socioeconomic context, when it comes to rubbish pickup, you are dealing with a basic "supply and demand" paradigm, i.e., you can't limit the amount of rubbish produced by limiting how often you pick it up any more than you can decrease a human body's gastrointestinal eliminations by cutting back on the quantity of toilet tissue you leave by the throne of ease.

On that philosophical note, let's go to the news:

It's still a dog's life

LONDON (Reuters) >> German shepherds are Britain's most unlucky canines, according to a study of the nation's dog owners. Accident-prone Alsatians suffered the most calamities, from swallowing toys to getting their heads stuck in cat flaps. A bull terrier was the most unlucky after eating a bottle cap, plastic wrap, a toy car and some wire, which doctors removed from its stomach.

(The luckiest canines continue to be wiener dogs, who have no reason to exist other than to serve as movable footstools.)

The new BMW "Capture"

BANGKOK (Reuters) >> Security guards smashed their way into an official car with sledgehammers to rescue Thailand's finance minister after his car's computer failed.

Suchart Jaovisidha and his driver were trapped inside the BMW for more than 10 minutes before guards broke the window to free them.

"It took my guard a long time to realize that we really wanted the window smashed so that we could crawl out," Jaovisidha said.

(The guard was understandably confused, considering the car was a convertible.)

Cheesy event canceled

LONDON (Reuters) >> Ankles will go unbroken and heads unbashed because perilous cheeses will go unrolled. For safety reasons, authorities have canceled the annual, surprisingly dangerous spring ritual where Gloucestershire residents chase large, rolling cheeses down a hill.

(Fortunately, the "Diving into Vat of Hot Fondue" is still on.)

'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:

A five-year study rating Oahu's most dangerous beaches shows once more that Hawaii is just too dangerous for tourists.

Quote Me On This:

"His speeches leave the impression of an army of pompous phrases moving over the landscape in search of an idea. Sometimes these meandering words would actually capture a straggling thought and bear it triumphantly a prisoner in their midst, until it died of servitude and overwork." -- William McAdoo on Warren G. Harding

See the Columnists section for some past articles.

Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail


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