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Honolulu Lite Charles Memminger |
Cockroaches could
become pets, not pestsHawaii residents have long had a love affair with cockroaches. They love to smash them with slippers, they love to smack them with rolled-up newspapers and they love to shellac them in insect spray. They just love to slaughter the creatures wherever they can be found. And in Hawaii they can be found anywhere and everywhere. That is, anywhere you've been and everywhere you're going.
It turns out that we may be wrong to have such an antagonistic relationship with our large, flying friends. In Australia cockroaches are becoming the hottest new pets.
Australia is known for having more than its share of peculiar critters. It's got rats the size of kangaroos and kangaroos the size of rats. It's got ducks with fur, birds that can't fly and an improbable number of other animals seemingly designed by Dr. Seuss. It also has cockroaches. But because it's Australia, it can't have regular old Hollywood casting-type cockroaches. It's got to have a cockroach the size of a pingpong paddle with horns like a rhinoceros.
"These really are charming creatures," Sue Hasenpusch, from the Australian Insect Farm, told Reuters. "They're clean, they're not stinky at all and there really is nothing horrible about them except for the name cockroach."
SEE? IT'S ALL a matter of perspective. Australians think there is absolutely nothing horrible about a 3-pound bug with a rhinoceros head.
Considering how far Australians go not only to get along with but actually honor their vermin, surely we can change the way we look at our local cockroaches. Think how much easier life would be if we considered cockroaches pets instead of pests.
One Australian cockroach owner said he trained a group of cockroaches to come when they are called and climb through hoops.
Our cockroaches are much more talented than that already. They know how to land on your face when you least expect it. They will perch on your shoulder like a parakeet. They'll helpfully point out when you've left the bread open by taking up residence inside the bag. How cute can a bug get?
I'm sure we could teach our roaches to jump through hoops and come when called. Usually, you don't even need to call them -- just flick on a lights at night, and they'll follow you all over the house.
One trick you can't teach a roach is to roll over. They're afraid that they'll get stuck on their backs and someone will suck them up with vacuum cleaner.
We may not have insect farms in Hawaii to raise cockroaches for pets yet. But we've got enough natural resources to develop an great new industry. The Aussies may have us beat in the midget kangaroo and furry duck categories, but our cockroaches are not only no ka oi, they are fair dinkum, mate.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com