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The Goddess Speaks By Barb Gimlin |
A casual encounter
enriches my lifeSquatting on my knees in the Asian food section of an unfamiliar grocery store in Pearl City, I began exploring the various sauces, noodles, canned goods and spices. A quick stop for a few items was turning into a leisurely morning of shopping in peace and tranquility, without my two children (ages 2 and 6) in tow and the usual dialogue with my 6-year-old -- "Dancia, stay with me. What does 'no' mean?"
With the day to myself, I was in a dreamlike state when I heard a voice from my right, saying, "Normally, when I bend down that far, I have to stop and hold on to something to get back up again."
I looked up to see a woman with shoulder-length gray hair, a bright pink shirt and a kind yet weathered face smiling down at me. She proceeded to ramble on about this and that, how she had a fondness for certain cereals, etc., while I smiled politely, nodded at times and continued scanning the assortment of foreign oddities.
She didn't seem to notice I wasn't paying her much mind. Initially, I wondered if perhaps the local lunatic had found me. But she didn't look crazy, and her words were spoken in kindness. Her dress was casual at best, kind of like what you'd expect your grandmother to be wearing if you dropped in on her unexpectedly while she was doing morning chores around the house.
As I worked my way down the aisle slowly, she stayed with me, determined to have a conversation. She commented how she loved Snickers candy bars, even though she couldn't have them due to a medical condition. She talked about her kids, grandkids, and how they wanted her to come back and live near them in California. She mentioned having lived in Alaska, and I perked up.
"You're from Alaska?"
"Well, actually, it was a long time ago. My husband and I moved to Hawaii many years ago and never left."
I found out they had lived in Juneau, and I told her I was from Girdwood, near Anchorage. She nodded but didn't ask more about our old home front, as most Alaskans would. Instead she continued on with her dialogue.
THE WOMAN told me she was a widow. Her last child arrived late in life, and she raised him mostly by herself. When I told her I had my second child at 39, she said that was the same age she had been, but didn't ask more. She had more important things to discuss. Like how there are a lot of problems in the world right now and there seem to be more people having difficulty living in society, whether it's from being just plain crazy or due to drugs and substance abuse. Without skipping a beat, she assured me that there are still a lot of good people in the world and they far outnumber the whackos.
This was not a two-way conversation, but she did wait for short comments at times from me. I wasn't in the mood to tell any stories or share things myself, so it suited me just fine. She told me how her husband had had an affair once and had told her. She said she wished he hadn't told her at all, because then she had to forgive him. She said the woman wasn't even that pretty and was overweight. She didn't understand it at all, yet she still thought about it a lot. It wasn't a memory she wanted to have about their marriage.
As if reading my mind, she refocused and told me how she had had a good job working as a ship's mechanic. They had only trained 20 people, primarily men, at the time she was accepted. She loved the job and was excited to share her shipyard stories. We discussed how women sometimes make better mechanics than men because we read and follow instructions rather than winging it and then paying the cost in added time and sometimes breaking things.
Her family worried about her being an ocean away in Hawaii, but she didn't want to leave. The island lifestyle and pace suited her fine. Her grandson backed her up and had told her, "Grandma, you speak to anybody and everybody. You'll always have people around. You'll be just fine."
SHE ENDED BY telling me her doctor had recently diagnosed her as being at beginning stages of Alzheimer's. For once, I shared fully in the discussion. She mentioned how she didn't bring a shopping list. "So that means trouble," she said with a twinkle in her eyes.
When we finally bid our farewells, I almost asked her name. But it didn't seem to matter. I thought it would be nice to sit down over a cup of coffee with this woman some other time, but a voice inside stopped me. In my hectic life, that would just add one more time demand. So she ambled toward the bakery department, and I headed to the Mexican section.
Her words have haunted my thoughts since that morning more than a year ago. I had been feeling as if the world had been getting to be too much, and she brought me back down to earth and reminded me it wasn't such a bad place. It was as if she had been sent by a guardian angel. Her friendship in the aisle was a gift that has stayed with me.
In the months since, I have fought to recover my 2-year-old son from the grips of autism while trying to make sure my daughter was not neglected in the process. I wondered if I could do as she had done and learn to forgive my husband and repair our broken marriage. With renewed zest, I reminded myself of the importance of having goals and achieving them.
Between the demands of parenting and work, I found ways to follow through on a dream and take a 100-ton captain's course for a Coast Guard license. As I attended nightly classes in a room packed with men, I thought of her and envisioned us each as modern-day pioneers. When I took the final exams and finished at the top of my class, I wished she could be there for my graduation.
In a world that spins too fast, I found strength, as we all do, in the most unexpected places. Sometimes it's the strangers we meet in life who stay with us the most.
Recently I found myself driving past that store and decided to do my shopping there. I didn't expect to see her again, but she was in my thoughts.
A friend once said if you can count on one hand the number of truly good friends you have, you are a lucky person. I have never let age be a deterrent from choosing friends, yet I let a busy world do so.
I wish I had taken the time that morning to make this special woman one of those friends. It would be nice to sit down with her now and again for a cup of coffee and to share our beliefs that all in all, even with its ups and downs, the world is a great place. Good people will prevail and strangers are simply friends we haven't met.
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