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Alo-Ha! Friday Charles Memminger |
Obesity news outweighs
rampaging badgersThe fat's in the fire. It's also in the news and in the courts. One of those always depressing "recent studies" shows that 112 percent of Americans are too fat. It may seem strange that more than 100 percent of Americans are overweight, but just goes to show you how bad the problem is.
It's so bad that one health organization wants to declare Oreo cookies deadly weapons. (More on that later.)
The fat problem is so bad that we are dedicating this entire column to it. And we're doing it even though we had some really amazing nonfat news to share, like the five people in London who were attacked in a badger rampage.
We rarely pre-empt badger items, especially news involving angry, domesticated badgers.
But with people getting fatter the world over, we face serious dangers. Like the disastrous rise in sea level should overweight people all go ocean bathing at one time. So, sorry, the irate badgers will just have to wait.
Here now the fat news:
Fat remark costs pounds
LONDON (Reuters) >> A British teenager has been ordered to pay $160 to a policeman for "mental anguish" after calling him fat.Jack Montague was on foot patrol when the drunken 17-year-old insulted the 5-foot-8, 196 pound officer. "Coppers have feelings, too," said the policeman. "I'm not fat."
(True. 5-foot-8, 196 pounds isn't fat, it's round.)
Patient a weighty subject
BERLIN (Reuters) >> Firemen had to use a crane to hoist a German man weighing 660 pounds out of his apartment and take him to the hospital.It took 10 fireman to lift the 63-year-old man onto a bed placed inside a large industrial container which was then lifted by the crane out of the building.
(... which was then placed on a flatbed truck, which was then pulled by a bulldozer, which ...)
Mother knows worst
ROME (Reuters) >> An Italian mother stuffed her 14-year-old son with so many unnecessary medicines that he ballooned to 310 pounds and could not walk.The Pavia housewife kept the boy away from school for a year, plying him with pills and potions to protect him from illnesses she perceived him to have.
(Though relatively large for his age, doctors found the boy remarkably germ-free.)
'Honolulu Lite' on Sunday:
Oreos don't kill people. Macadamia nut chocolate chip cookies kill people. Or is it macaroons? Find out in Sunday's "Honolulu Lite."
Quote me on this: "If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner." -- H.S. Leigh
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com