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The Goddess Speaks Lynde Lakes |
Gender doesn’t
have to cramp
friendship styleWith more women marrying young and needing to work to supplement the meager "early-married's" income, this question is bound to come up as she meets and mingles with others on the job: Can a woman walk the relationship minefield and be "just" friends with a man?
Of course. All it takes is two people who want the same things: friendship and shared professional goals. However, if one has a different agenda, the bridge will collapse and it's a "no go" from the beginning. But if the "noncouple" are clear on the direction they will go, everyone wins.
I've had male friends all of my married life. Wonderful friends. I'd hate to think of a world in which individuals had to limit their relationships to friends of the same gender. How dull and restricting, and totally impractical in a world where men and women are thrown together in the workplace in larger numbers than ever before.
I worked in a professional field where all of my chiefs and co-workers were men. In the early part of my career, I was the only female at business conferences. Without friendship and sharing of work information with peers, career advancement would have been slower and more difficult.
The path is easier if your husband or significant other is behind you 100 percent in your goals for yourself and, ultimately, your family. Including him in the equation keeps him feeling secure. Talk about your work and what you're trying to achieve, and let him get to know your co-workers, the guys with whom you may be working closely.
BE COMPASSIONATE with your husband's concerns. Imagine how difficult accepting another guy "being friends" with his sweetheart might be for him. What if your husband were thrust into a similar friendship by his job? Would you be comfortable with him working closely with his beautiful and vivacious co-worker?
Think about the male-female partners in a police squad car. What stronger bond than two people counting on each other for their very lives? It's the same situation with male-female soldiers serving side by side, protecting their country and each other.
Considering all sides to an issue provides insight into your partner's feelings and prepares you to handle emotions before they cause problems.
You could be faced with more than a "triangle" of emotions. If your friend is married, his wife could be part of the equation as well. The secret: make her your friend. Clearly, the more people involved, the trickier this situation can get, but take heart.
At work, in professional groups and socially, women are managing unthreatening relationships with men and are successfully integrating these friendships with their family lives. Can you do it? Of course. You are the powerful Goddess of your world.
The Goddess Speaks is a feature column by and
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