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Digital Slob Curt Brandao |
Orifices and oceans
get future upgradesJust like most football fans have never been to the Super Bowl, most Digital Slobs have never been to a consumer electronics expo. But I've got this friend who's always bugging me to take a trip in his time machine, and since he (finally) installed satellite radio, I traveled with him to the 2018 Consumer Electronics Expo in Bakersfield Beach, Calif. (that's the new West Coast town since the big quake of 2011 ... long story).
Since atmospheric radiation limited any above-ground exposure to about 20 minutes, I couldn't get many details, but I hope to go back again. Here's a few highlights:
Q-tip Cam: If they ever finish washing their hands, obsessive compulsives will flip for the first product from Bill Gates since he bought the Q-tip company.
Finally, you can leave your home with the confidence only a spotless ear canal can bring. Tired of the mundane early morning dig-and-look fishing expeditions that only fill you with soul-crushing uncertainty? Then get the Q-tip Cam and watch a cotton swab, with a tiny camera on its tip (MP3 player optional), not miss a spot via a wireless connection to your computer.
Alas, this Windows-based hygiene is not Mac-compatible, but Apple was showing off a similar product for teeth, the iPick. I also glanced at something called iColon, but I had to avert my eyes due to my primitive sensibilities.
eFib: For the growing legions of lying, cheating Internet buyers and peddlers, eBay unveils an offshoot Web site exclusively for those who pretend to bid on items that others pretend to sell.
Get all the "gotcha!" thrill from typing in "a bazillion dollars, plus one" to outbid an 8-year-old girl for an engagement to Justin Timberlake Jr. without having to actually pay up or, worse yet, follow through on the nuptials. Creativity counts. Someone selling immortality? Offer to purchase it with "my undying gratitude." Be sure to read the fine print for things like "I only pretend to ship to the continental United States. No fake personal checks; only fake Paypal or fake money orders."
Surfin' DVD: Let's face it, once you've seen one perfect ocean view as you prepare to carve the next wave, you've seen them all. Finally, for the endless seconds of drudgery that plague attention-deficit surfers worldwide, it's time to get amped for a DVD player in a surfboard (12-inch screens on shortboards; up to 14-inch screens on longboards).
Rippahs, wahines and hodads alike will hoot as you catch the latest director's cut of "Blue Crush IV: Clucked by Love," or classics like "Gidget" between sets or boring commutes paddling out. Features include an automatic pause anytime you bail, optional popcorn popper on the back of the board (for balance) and wireless headphones that put you right in the high-res, progressive-scanned tubes of your favorite wave-riding flicks (for safety reasons, nonsurfing-related movies are not recommended).
Thanks to Surfin' DVD, you can now have the next best thing to being there, and being there, all at the same time.
Curt Brandao is the Star-Bulletin's
production editor. Reach him at
at: cbrandao@starbulletin.com