’Net Junkie
Online auctions offer a
walk on the weird sideI admit it; I'm an online auction addict. Bidding sites like eBay.com, uBid.com, bargain.com, digibid.com, sell.com, onsale.com, auctions.yahoo.com and policeauctions.com have made it possible for me to get my hands on such coveted items as a sports jersey of an obscure French soccer team, an MPC-4000 sampling drum machine and that original 1979 AC/DC iron-on transfer you see me sporting in that picture above this column.
A year-and-a-half ago, I even purchased a 1993 Isuzu Amigo on eBay's virtual auto mart, eBay Motors.
Call me crazy for buying a used car online, but I actually saved a bundle. If you'd like to see what the real nuts are snatching up on these Web sites, log on to www.disturbingauctions.com, where you'll find some truly outrageous items up for bid, including a handbag made from -- get this -- a bull's scrotum. It's the perfect accessory to that fetching yak hair dress, I suppose. If you've been having trouble finding those trendy new coin purses -- you know, the ones made from a preserved frog -- you may be pleased to know they're just a mouse click away.
I have to wonder if some of these sellers have given any thought to the possible trauma incurred by children who receive the kinds of horrifying toys they put up for bid. There's the "Preemie Doll," the "Crap-throwing Monkey" and a company of creepy naked toy soldiers that comes with a machine gun to share between them. "Thank goodness for that 'Don't ask, don't tell policy,' " quips the Web site.
Why anyone would shell out $157.50 for the homely ceramic figurine found at www. disturbingauctions.com/view.php?item=35 is beyond me, but apparently that was the final bidding price on the unsightly artifact. As it's explained, the words "Imp Ale" found at the base of the figurine is short for Imperial Ale.
For more recent postings, log on to www.disturbingauctions.com/daily to find more bizarre items such as the nude liquor jug, the Santa toilet seat cover, the funeral home coffee scoop ("We've secretly replaced Aunt Ada's ashes with Folger's Crystals! Let's see if anyone can tell the difference!"), and a Saddam Hussein puppet (considerably more valuable as a voodoo doll these days, one would imagine).
As the saying goes, one man's trash is another man's treasure.
’Net Junkie drops every Monday.
Contact Shawn "Speedy" Lopes at slopes@starbulletin.com.
Note: Web sites mentioned in this column were active at time of publication. The Honolulu Star-Bulletin neither endorses nor is responsible for their contents.
