The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
No deadline exists
for womanhood
"One is not born, but rather
becomes, a woman."
-- Simone de BeauvoirJust last week I discovered March is Women in History Month. I had no idea that anything like this even existed. I don't know why I never knew this ... after all I am a woman, I have four children, I have PMS, and as an added bonus I turn 40 this year. I feel these qualities earn me the title of "Woman." For some reason though, I have never been comfortable with the "W" word, preferring to think of myself as a "girl."
This may have something to do with growing up the youngest in a family of five and being the only "little woman" in the bunch. My mother, also the only female in her family, having five older brothers, was hardly equipped to pass on the "Women's Rights" banner.
I have been told by both my parents that they were elated to have a baby girl in the house. In a rare moment of non-sarcasm my dad told me that when he found out he had a daughter he walked out of the hospital and felt like he should get into a fight. I think this was supposed to be a bonding moment for us, but I remember feeling responsible for his quick, Irish temper after that talk. Writing this now, I can see the woman emerging in me with that notion of responsibility. Women, after all, are responsible for everything, are we not? Thank you very much, Eve!
My mother likes to tell of the time she proudly walked around the neighborhood so all could see her freshly bathed daughter in her little girl nightie, Yes, finally a girl in the house!
The girl in the house quickly became one of the boys, and the little girl dresses and black Mary Janes soon faded into the back of the closet and T-shirts and Levi hand-me-downs became the norm. Being shy and quiet, I was always happy to watch my brothers take on the world from my perch high in one of the trees that lined our street.
Nope, no ballet lessons for me; I was more interested in skateboards, bikes and the smell of the pine-tree sap that stained my skin and clothes and gummed up my long braids. I did, however, have a favorite baby doll and she could often be found hanging by the hand out of my youngest brother's mouth as he sat in front of the television set watching "Adam 12," teething on her fingertips. I still have visions of that poor little amputee doll.
Our next door neighbors had two children, both girls, and unfortunately both way too old to be my playmates. I always wondered why they were so quiet and admired how their yard was always tidy, not at all like our yard with bikes and the smelly neighborhood boys strewn all about.
One day, the girls next door invited me to come over and go up into their attic to pick out some of their old Barbie Dolls to take home. They must have done their own share of watching from their soft, warm grass and spotted me in the tree, this strange looking, scrawny, sticky bird, and in a moment of womanly compassion felt like taking me under their wings for a day. This was an awesome day for me because my mom, along with the other moms from our Catholic school, had gotten together and decided that Barbie was something to ban. Yes, they actually had a meeting about this. But on this day mom reasoned that as long as I was being given the Barbie she wasn't exactly buying them so it was OK. A good Catholic mom can always reason.
BARBIE IS A Woman; there is no denying that. She is tall and well-endowed with a flawless complexion, beautiful hair and nails, perfect teeth and every career imaginable, as well as her very own handsome -- seen but not heard from -- supportive co-pilot she calls Ken. Barbie has power. That's what the word "woman" means to me: power. Like Wonder Woman, who also fits Barbie's physical appearance.
However, as I hit middle age I am becoming more comfortable with the title of Woman. I am raising my own two young women with the power of believing that they can sit in the trees and watch if they want to or get out there and ride bikes with the boys. As women in America they can have careers and families and for this they can thank all the women who have struggled and fought for these rights as human beings for themselves and for all our daughters.
What I hope to impress my girls with the most is the power of love and compassion. A woman's greatest power lives in her heart, where all of us girls have the power of a woman to love a boy even after he chews off all her doll's fingers.
Meg Hesser is married, with four children, in Honolulu.
The Goddess Speaks is a Tuesday feature by and
about women. If you have something to say, write
"The Goddess Speaks," 7 Waterfront Plaza, Suite 210, Honolulu 96813;
or e-mail features@starbulletin.com.