The Goddess Speaks
The Goddess Speaks
Journal helps writer
sort out dreams, goalsJournal-writing has preserved as well as shaped my development from girlhood to womanhood. My journal started off as a simple diary where, at age 8, I began listing things like books I had read and movies I had watched.
Over the years, it evolved into much more. As I revealed more of myself in my journal, it became my life story. I wanted so much for it to have a happy ending that I began to shape my own destiny, by seeking opportunities that would enable me to reach my stated goals.
Major life decisions have been reached by brainstorming in my journal, such as choosing a college, selecting a major course of study and deciding which job offer to accept. I created checklists for what I was looking for in a husband, what kind of house I wanted to buy and what I wanted to do during each vacation from work.
My journal has become my best friend. I vented my anger, shared my sorrows, memorialized my joys and recorded my innermost thoughts. Not only do I write to remember later, but to clear my mind of clutter. Once something is on paper, I no longer need to keep it in my head. I can always review my journal if I want to recapture the feelings of an event described in vivid detail.
Journal writing starts off as a discipline and becomes a habit, like any other. It's a challenge to find a peaceful, solitary moment to write. The TV is on, I want to check my e-mail, there are bills to pay and I have to prepare to get up early the next day for work. Large gaps in my journal represent periods when I was either too busy to write or thought I had nothing to write about.
ONE DAY, A FRIEND who also keeps a journal suggested we ceremoniously burn them to symbolize our respective passage into a new phase of our lives. We started a small bonfire at Ala Moana Beach at sunset and tore pages off into a fire pit, solemnly watching the ashes dance in the air before settling onto the sand.
I said goodbye to persons in my past whose photographs -- taped to the journal pages -- curled up and disappeared in flames. It was like starting over with a clean slate. That ceremony gave both of us a sense of closure, leaving us open to new and exciting experiences.
I have a fantasy that some publisher will discover my unburnt volumes after I die. Then I'd become famous post-mortem, like Anne Frank or Anaïs Nin. My heirs would sell the rights to the book and the movie, and wind up wealthy, unlike myself. Everyone would wonder what the missing volumes contained.
More likely, my journals will grow moldy and be tossed out by some relative who will get a few laughs out of the anecdotes I wrote when I was 12 and suffering growing pains.
Hopefully, they would benefit from reading about the lessons I have learned in life, feel comforted that they are not alone in their insecurities and be glad they got to know me through my writing. After all, no one knows me as intimately as do my journals.
Lorraine Wong is a freelance writer in Honolulu.
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