Honolulu Lite
Honolulu Lite
Saddam’s evil voice
lost in translationCBS anchor Dan Rather scored the ultimate "reality" TV spectacle with his sweeps week "interview" of Iraq's resident lunatic, Saddam Hussein.
It wasn't an interview so much as it was another entry into Rather's weird diary of his life. The most surprising thing -- well, the second most surprising thing -- was not that Rather asked only softball questions of the mustachioed madman, but that he failed to ask the one big question Rather fans were waiting for: "What's the frequency, Saddam?"
The most surprising thing, as it turns out, was that in the true spirit of covering news as entertainment, CBS hired a professional voice actor to speak the translation of Saddam's Arabic replies to Rather's blather.
According to news reports, actor Steve Winfield, who bills himself as an expert on foreign accents, faked the Middle Eastern-sounding twang during the translations.
We have it on good authority that Winfield, who couldn't pass up this kind of exposure on worldwide television, attempted to sneak in some other dialects and colloquialisms to show his artistic range to future employers. Although those were cut from the interview that aired, "Honolulu Lite" has managed to get a copy of the actual original transcript. Here's a sample:
Rather: Sir, do you realize our ratings for this interview will be higher than the Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston specials combined?
Saddam/Winfield: Dog, like, if America attacks my country, it will be so bogus. My elite Republic Guard dudes are totally sick.
Rather: I look a lot like Walter Cronkite now that my hair is this lovely shade of gray, don't you think?
Saddam/Winfield: Aye, matey! And if those infernal lubbers, the British, try to keelhaul us, we'll rake 'em with a vicious broadside and board 'em in the smoke! God rot their vitals, the whores on scrubs!
Rather: Did you see me dressed up in the Arab duds when I was reporting on the Afghan war? Peter Jennings was so jealous. That's why he called me Gunga Dan.
Saddam/Winfield: George Bush better mosey back to the ranch, partner, or it's gonna be high noon for that little dogie. What kind of a tinhorn galoot would try to put his brand on my buckaroos, pilgrim?
Rather: Seriously, though. Do these epaulettes make me look dorky?
Saddam/Winfield: Zhe shi xian-sheng Happy. Ni hao ma? Hen hao, xie-xie. Zen-me yang, mang ma? Hai ke-yi!
Rather: Can I ride your camel later?
Saddam/Winfield: I'm givin' ya all the power I can, captain! The engines are gonna blow!
Rather: Why don't we take a five-minute break? Where do you hide the virgins?
Saddam/Winfield: Ho, those buggas at da kine, the U.N., I like broke their face! They try for tell me disarm, l'dat. I wen' tell 'em, hey, no bodda me or I'll, watchacall, geev um, da kine, one shaka brah!
Rather: With all due respect, Mr. President, I gotta pee like Lawrence of Arabia after three days at an oasis.
Saddam/Winfield: Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
Rather: Catch ya next season.
Saddam/Winfield: Ciao.
Charles Memminger, winner of National Society of Newspaper Columnists awards, appears Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. E-mail cmemminger@starbulletin.com